I didn't die and go to heaven....

I went to Texas instead. I am driving around in the most granpa of automobiles, a big, white Cadillac Sedan. For some reason, some words from Dennis Leary's Asshole Song (from No Cure for Cancer) keep running through my head.

"I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth right on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of whisky and drive to Texas."

Flying Saucer Beer Count: 3

Off to earn some more beer points (or maybe off to drink some more beer pints).


Mike said...

Congratulations. Now that you're there, you may need a new article of clothing.


Spacer01 said...

Hmmm...funny, but I would definitely need to have that rifle if I were to wear that down here.