Does this make me a minority officially?

This was posted on my company's internal web page today (names have been altered to protect the guilty). I think this officially makes me a member of a minority (and not just a minority of one-see I knew what you were going to type in the comments). I want some status now, points when applying for Federal jobs, etc. We have a day and a month, just like the other minorities. We have jokes made about us, derogatory names, and stereotypes. The stereotypes make me so mad sometimes, I want to get drunk and punch somebody. Finally, after decades of work, the National Association for the Advancement of Irish People (NAAIP) has made some progress.

March 17, 2008 A message from the Office of Workforce Diversity. Celebrating National Irish American Heritage Month This month [deleted company] joins the rest of the country in celebrating Irish American Heritage Month. During Irish American Heritage Month, we celebrate Irish Americans and the significant contributions they have made to our nation.

During the Great Potato Famine of the 19th century, approximately one million Irish came to the United States. And over the past 150 years, millions more have come. In this country, Irish Americans have ably served in their communities, making great contributions in literature and the arts, in business and industry, in government and in the Armed Forces. Approximately 44 million Americans proudly share their Irish ancestry, especially in celebrating St. Patrick's Day with parades, family gatherings,
Masses and dances.

Our commitment to having an inclusive work environment, building a diverse work force, and continuously improving employee engagement make [deleted company] a great place to work. During this month we congratulate [deleted company] Irish American employees.

[deleted company] believes in having its work force reflect the diversity of our more than 9,000 customers in 190 countries around the world. We appreciate all employees for the work they do each day in support of our company's goal to be #1 in our industry.

The Dilbert Widget now on my blog!

Why be creative on my own, when other people are doing such a good job? Scott Adams now has a Dilbert widget for use with web sites. Look to the right. Enjoy.

Quiz Results

A friend sent me some links to some fun online quizzes, well fun if something is missing in your moral center anyway.

Here is how I did:
Five year olds beware:
24

It's clobberin' time! 'Nuff said.

Lunar survival skills:
56%

56%? I feel shame in my emotion processing unit. I should change my user name. My only solace is that I disagree with some of the choices.

My geek percentage:
74% Geek

I took the Death Report quiz and found that 131,367 People Died the Day I was Born. Less than I would have thought.

In addition to my life insurance, apparently my survivors could sell my corpse for:
$4305.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

And finally, since I have written about zombies before, here are my chances for the infamous zombie apocalypse scenario:
75%

Free California Dating

"I have a weak back..."

Found this on http://ocii.com/~cmeek/puns_v1c.htm:

Joe - I've got a weak back.
Moe - How long have you had a weak back?
Joe - Oh, for about a week back.
Moe - Sounds like you've got a weak back joke.
Joe - Mayhap a Bad Joke Week?
Moe - There -- have your weak joke back...
Joe - Yes, but you gave me my joke back weak!
Moe - This is a whole bag of weak jokes!
Joe - You mean you won't back a weak joke? Aw, c'mon.

So last week, as I was sitting on the floor trying to calm down a screaming child at 0-dark-30, a small bomb exploded in my back. Or at least that is what it felt like. I couldn't stand (pain was too great). I couldn't sit. All I could do was lay on the floor and whimper. I finally summoned enough courage to crawl all the way back to bed (still whimpering), where I stayed for most of the day. Got a doctor's appointment and was rewarded with many different kinds of drugs. A shot of some kind of anti-inflammatory drug, some steroids, some muscle relaxer and some hydrocodone. I am now practicing better living through chemistry. I was a little disappointed with the steroids, however. I have not bulked out like a weightlifter. Oh well. After a week, the pain was manageable, but it was still there. My next stop was a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) machine. After reviewing the images, the doc determined I have a bulging disc. I guess I will now get to see yet another doc next week.

I hope I haven't left you in spine-tingling suspense as you await the results. That would no doubt strike a nerve with some folks. I must now get off my tailbone and lumbar off to bed.

Surveillance results to date

Okay, as you may remember, I started spying on you, just to see who was reading this nonsense I write. Apparently, you folks are from all over the place. Here is a short list, in case you didn't check out the map:

Cupertino, CA (1)
Denver, CO (1)
Avoca, IA (1)
Highland Park, IL (2)
Denham Springs, LA (1)
North Hartland, VT (1)
Quincy, MA (3)
Mount Holly, NJ (1)
Rockville, MD (1)
Raleigh, NC (21)
Tampa, FL (1)
USA (9)
Clacton-on-sea, Essex, UK (1)
UK (2)
Antony, Ile-de-France, France (1)
Cluj, Romania (1)
Australia (1)

So, who are all you folks? I don't think I know anybody living in or near most of these places. Let's see what Google says about your home towns (or at least the place where the server sits):

Cupertino, CA--do you work for Apple Inc? I do believe I have mentioned Apple or iPhones or something once or twice on the blog.
Denver, CO--don't think this gets you into the mile high club that easily.
Avoca, IA--either this place is really boring and people are leaving, or you are all dying off, because your population is decreasing (1534 two years ago, down from 1610 in 2000).
Highland Park, IL--since I know people in Chicago, I assume this is where your ISP plugs into the Internet.
Denham Springs, LA--I have actually never been to Louisiana, but I see you are near Baton Rouge.
North Hartland, VT--I think I passed through your town on the way to Killington for a ski trip.
Quincy, MA--I have been to Boston a number of times and recognize the name from maps and road signs
Mount Holly, NJ--Predates the American Revolution by 69 years. Impressive.
Rockville, MD--I have been to Maryland, so maybe this was me logging into the blog.
Raleigh, NC--been to the airport while switching planes. Can't imagine who logged in 21 times from there.
Tampa, FL--I hid from a hurricane once in Tampa, but it didn't hit the place I was living, so it was a wasted trip.
Clacton-on-sea, Essex, UK--Apparently the home to a volunteer life saving station (Royal National Lifeboat Institution, http://www.rnli.org.uk/) similar to the USCG Auxiliary (http://www.cgaux.org/).
Antony, Ile-de-France, France--Looks like a Parisian suburb.
Cluj, Romania--Dates back to the Roman Empire and it's in Transylvania-vampires are now on the web.
Australia--Anyone that will give AC/DC a home is alright by me.

Swear a mighty oath

A friend is about to turn in their green card, take the oath and become a citizen. I knew there was an oath involved, but I really had no idea what it entailed. I have provided a link above, but here is the text of the Oath of Allegiance for Naturalized Citizens:

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

Wow. Maybe this whole illegal immigration phenomenon is grounded in this oath. You have got to have some stones to stand up and take this one (assuming you are honorable enough to mean what you say). The pledge of allegiance is down right wimpy and sad compared to the oath above. Just for comparison, this is an oath I am more familiar with, the Armed Forces Oath of Enlistment:

"I, __________, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.''

Still pretty scary stuff (it doesn't seem all that bad when you read it, but when you are repeating after the officer giving you the oath, with your right hand in the air, the whole weight of it just comes crashing down on your shoulders).

But going back to that oath of allegiance, a question for my fellow native born citizens: Would you be willing to take that oath of allegiance if you had to? If the answer is no, do you sleep easy at night?

Discovered on a vehicle sticker

As I was leaving the bank (this will make the web site seem even
funnier), I saw a sticker on the driver's side window of a car. The
sticker had the phrase 'Expect Resistance' in bold red letters. Below
that phrase was the following URL:

http://www.crimethinc.com/

Go ahead and check it out, I will wait right here.

Okay, now let me remind you that this sticker was on a relatively late
model car parked in a Bank of America parking lot. So someone from a
decentralized anarchist collective was driving the product of highly
industrialized capitalist society and engaging in banking at a large
nationwide bank with close ties to the federal government.

As metron always said, irony is very ironic.

Mobile blogging from my iPhone....

Mobile blogging test

This is a test of the mobile blogging system. This is only a test.
Had this been an actual blog entry, this entry would have contained
something interesting or funny or a picture or at least a pithy
comment instead of this boring play on the emergency broadcasting
system. This was only a test.

Sent from my iPhone

Christmas in Hell's Half Acre

Texas seems to like big things, including big trees. Picture taken with my camera phone a few days ago.

Survived Disneyworld

Travelled to Florida for a few days with the family. We survived running around WDW with our 3 year old and 2 year old children. This is not for the feint of heart, nor for those out of shape. The kids violated the laws of thermodynamics by expending more energy than they took in while accumulating size and mass. Note: WDW is getting truly creepy with finger print scanners, hard plastic tickets that double as room keys and credit cards (they have your name on them). No obviously armed guards, but the Animal Kingdom park had some serious external security (barbed wire fences and vehicle barriers).

How to improve your physical performance...

1. Contract a disease (any will do, so long as it fatigues you and/or interferes with breathing)
2. Get a flu shot
3. Go home and drink about four margaritas (I say about four, because who really keeps count after the second one)
4. Sleep poorly (having sick kids to wake you up a night will work, but no specific technique is required)
5. Wake up early
6. Take motrin
7. Drink coffee instead of water

Not sure if this works for everyone, but I managed to do more situps and run faster than I have in years.

Armistice Day aka Veteran's Day

On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918, most of the slaughter in Europe ended for a while. Most of the men and women that lived through that war are gone, so there are few to remember and tell the tales of that time.

Here is a poem from that war that ended fifty three years before I was born. The poet died one week before the armistice.

Dulce et Decorum Est
by Wilfred Owen

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!–An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,–
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Halloween in Fort Worth

What was once a wild and weird night of fun, pranks, and little risk (the infamous needle in a candy bar or a kidnapping), is now a carefully regulated activity. Trick or treat occurs between 1830 and 2030 hours local time. Kids used to travel in groups having fun (at least when I was growing up in the last century). Now they seem to travel in ones or twos under close parental escort. Half the people on the block just put a bowl of candy outside, rather than truly participating in the holiday. Half the kids just show up and hold out their bags. You have to tell them to say trick or treat. Most still say thanks, so we are still in the decline of western civilization and not yet in the fall of western civilization.

Blue Angels Pictures

As requested, some pictures from the Blue Angels performance at last weekend's air show (tailgated in Cabela's parking lot with the rest of Texas). Pictures aren't fantastic, snapped with a Canon Digital Elph, so minimal zoom and not the fastest aperture in the west....

Wing tip to wing tip in a giant loop in the sky....


Five ship formation in a low altitude pass....


Four ship formation, two inverted, low altitude pass....


Four ship diamond formation in low altitude pass....

Who complains about living near an airport?

Because when you live near the right one, you get to see the United States Navy Blue Angels flying over your house for free!!! Hoo-yah! Go Navy!

HAVE LASIK-will get buried in paperwork

Well, I am still working on the astronaut application. I did this once before, but I forgot how much bloody paperwork is involved. Resume (not too short, but not too long), references, medical history, flying history, official transcripts, proof that you are not currently controlled by an alien life force bent on world domination, etc, etc.

Compare this to the civilian, that is non-government world. Email resume, do a phone interview or two, get flown somewhere for a real world interview (they will even fly a spouse or kids if they really want you), plant tour, get taken out for a nice lunch, maybe a nice dinner, might get a quick tour of area, etc. If they like you, they offer you the job and then you fill out the application, etc (no sense wasting people's time on paperwork that isn't needed).

Sigh.

Well, I have several months before the job posting is closed, so I should be able to get it all done.

Have LASIK-will travel....

If you have had LASIK, you are no longer automatically disqualified from being an Astronaut (see link in title). Yeeee-haaaaw!!

NASA's information on astronauts:

Astronaut FAQ

USAJobs website (so you too can apply):

USAJobs

Maybe we can put Spacer into space after all (unlikely, but at least there's hope)....

I am spying on you

I added a little mapping widget from maps.amung.us that shows the location of my vast horde of readers (all one of you).

Did you see this on CNN?

Click on the link above, but only do so when the emotionally sensitive are not around.

Do not punch your CRT in anger. This hurts.

There is good news. As of today, a non-profit agency has offered to bring this boy to the US (along with his family) and do all kinds of reconstructive surgery and counseling (follow up story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/08/23/iraq.boyfolo/index.html). The agency is The Children's Burn Foundation (http://www.childburn.org/) and you can donate here: https://www.applyweb.com/public/contribute?s=childb. I think this is great, so I gave them $100.

But I am still very angry. I have a small boy (younger than this boy) and a younger daughter. This struck a little close to home. I almost want to volunteer to go to Iraq. My biggest fear is that instead of letting me hunt down animals like the ones that attacked this boy, they would make me do stupid stuff like build a sewer or drive a convoy through an ambush.

Happy 100th Birthday to Robert A. Heinlein

Today, 2007.07.26, is the 100th birthday of Robert A. Heinlein. Follow the link above to read the Wired Science story. If you didn't know, he is my favorite author. His writing inspired me to become an engineer, join the military, read the works of other authors, and explore other planets (okay, so I have not left my bootprints on another world yet, but I am not even 40 yet and many men in my family live until their 70s or 80s). The quote from Lazarus Long at the top of this blog is from his book Time Enough For Love.

If you have never read anything by Robert A. Heinlein, you are one lucky S.O.B. to have all of that in front of you. If you haven't read anything by him, might I suggest the following books:

Starship Troopers (a short book, originally considered a juvenile, it actually has very important discussions on the very philosophy of war--whatever you do, do NOT see the movie, remember DO NOT SEE THE MOVIE)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (great book about everything-family structure, crime & punishment, government, how to run a succesful violent revolution, etc)

Stranger in a Strange Land (this book looks at religion, love, and everything about the human condition as observed by a man raised by Martians)

I recommend you set aside some time and money because once you start reading his books, you may not be able to stop. If you don't like them, there is probably something wrong with you.

Want to save the world? Buy one of Heinlein's juveniles for some kid (yours or someone elses). You may not save the world, but it is very possible you may save someone's life (Spider Robinson insists that his life was saved at age 6 by a librarian that gave him the book Red Planet).