Spacer's Blog

Military Service, War and Death

2011-08-09T13:57:00.000-04:00

In case you have been isolated from all communications, you have probably heard about the helicopter crash in Afghanistan that took 38 lives on 06 August 2011 (ISAF press release). There were 8 Afghan nationals onboard, while the remainder were US special operations forces, mostly from the US Navy SEALs. This was one of the largest single day losses for the US military and the largest single day loss of special operations forces. More SOF operators were killed last Saturday than were killed during Operation Redwing (see my blog post on Marcus Luttrell's book Lone Survivor). This is a painful event. So far, it has not directly affected me. I am a huge fan of the SOF community, but I only know a few that have worked in it. I did not know these warriors personally. Still, it is becoming indirectly painful, as I am seeing what happens to friends and comrades when 20-30 people they knew suddenly die. I won't even begin to speculate what this event or the continuing press coverage is doing to the families of the deceased. I only hope what I am writing does not add to their misery.

At times like this, I reflect on my choice to serve, and the choices made by others who have made the ultimate sacrifice. I still have no regrets. I joined the military precisely because I felt called to serve my country in war. Others are called to serve in other, less violent and more constructive ways, but I have always heard the siren call of Mars (Ares), Valkyries, and the Morrigan. I don't think anyone joins seeking violent death (I didn't). Most would probably choose to die at a ridiculous old age due to sexual exertion (or killed by a jealous lover). Yet, few join without some understanding that those who go to war due so at some risk to themselves.

The politicians that want us to keep fighting and those that want us to quit fighting will find ways to use this event to support their views. Boeing will try to explain why these ancient Chinooks are safe, while their competitors will argue for new airframes. Others will say that the helos will be safe once some expensive piece of technology is added to the aircraft. The Air Assault guys and helicopter pilots will argue that the birds and their associated tactics are the only way to fight this war. Others will demand ground assaults, or an even faster withdrawal.

Ignore them all. Here is what matters. Thirty eight individuals got on that helicopter to do their job. They chose to serve their countries in a time of death and danger, rather than settle for a safe place with their families. Their reasons for joining, for staying, for getting on the helo that night, were no doubt somewhat different for each. Unless they shared their thoughts with family and friends, we will never know their reasons. They served faithfully until the day they fell in battle. Remember them. Honor their memories. Help their families. Support those who would follow in their footsteps. If you have it in you, step forward and serve your nation for a time.

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-28T14:16:00.005-04:00

Most of you out there back in the world are probably still thinking of Memorial Day as a 3 day weekend with barbecues and fun. A small percentage of you know what it really means, because you have lost family, friends, lovers or comrades who lost their lives while placing themselves "Between their loved home and the war's desolation". Few know that pain today, when viewed by either absolute numbers or as a percentage of the population. For the most part, I suppose that is all to the good, but it is one more factor that is causing the military and the general population to drift apart. This photo isn't from the front lines, but more from the rear echelon (as in REMF). Still, I think it stands as a vivid reminder of what Memorial Day means. Four flags fly at half mast this week, including our own. We lost eight USAF personnel from our command on one bad day. In honor of them, this year's Memorial Day poem will be "High Flight", by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.:

"High Flight"

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,

I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air....

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue

I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace.

Where never lark, or even eagle flew —

And, while with silent lifting mind I have trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space,

- Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

Usama Bin Laden Is Dead!

2011-05-04T10:18:00.010-04:00

... and the first question that popped into my head, will it hurt any less on the tenth anniversary, knowing UBL was turned into shark shit? I hope so. I hope those who lost someone on that day or in the wars that followed feel something other than the hole where they once family or friends.

A little over three years ago, in response to an picture on Wired's Danger Room titled "Don't you f'ing forget", I wrote about what I was doing on 9/11/01 for the seventh anniversary. Today, I will write about what I was doing on the ninth anniversary. After years of wondering if I would ever be mobilized, I received orders putting me on active duty with the U.S. Navy in Afghanistan. I spent September making final preparations for my 400 days away from home. On the ninth anniversary, I had a reasonably happy day, watching my son and his team (Go Marlins!) play t-ball, knowing I would miss the last several weeks of the season. I tried to learn some Dari (with an iPhone app) and some COIN (from the infamous field manual). I was in the middle of reading Ghost Wars by Steve Coll (the fifth book on Afghanistan I had read since receiving my orders). I worked on our will with my wife. I transitioned what I could to my coworkers. I spent what extra time I could with my kids and my wife and my friends. It was not a bad time, but it was hectic and it went by too fast.

Even though I had nothing to do with the operation against UBL, even though I realize that his death probably means nothing, strategically or tactically, to winning this Overseas Contingency Operation (our new name for "the war"), I find it hard to express in words how proud I am to be serving in the military at this time and how proud I am to be an officer in the United States Navy (can I get a hoo-yah?). Perhaps a quote from another to reflect on my feelings at this time:

"I can imagine no more rewarding a career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worthwhile, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: 'I served in the United States Navy.'"

President John F. Kennedy, 1 August 1963, in Bancroft Hall at the U. S. Naval Academy.

[Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, Containing the Public Messages, Speeches, and Statements of the President, January 1 to November 22, 1963 (Washington: US Government Printing Office, 1964), 620]

To the operators and analysts and support staff that made the raid into Pakistan possible, I salute you (and envy you a bit). You serve in silence in a world rarely seen by the citizens of your country, but on 01 May 2011, you became rock stars. I have full confidence that one day, you will sail home with a broomstick tied to the yardarm. A clean sweep.

To our enemies still at large, rough men, willing to do violence on our behalf, are coming for you. May you die filled with the terror you sought to inflict on others.

I will observe the tenth anniversary of September 11th attacks from Afghanistan. Perhaps I will be able to answer my question then.

Strange memories of music

2010-11-14T22:21:00.002-05:00

I was checking out some music on iTunes, when I had something of a flashback. If you are old enough, you remember the Walkman (and the Walkman copycats). This device made the audio cassette tape the king of formats in the 1980s. The availability of dual cassette decks on boom boxes and home stereos enabled people to make mix tapes. But what I suddenly remembered while checking out some new music was the smell. The smell of a brand new cassette tape from a band, maybe a new band, maybe an old favorite. After taking off the stupid plastic wrapper, you would open the plastic jewel case and take out the cassette. I remember that smell and then I remember dropping the cassette into my Walkman and listening to the album for the first time, while reading the album insert with all of the lyrics and other nonsense from front to back.

Weird the way memory works somedays.

Veteran's Day Poem

2010-11-11T21:01:00.002-05:00

In keeping with my grim tradition, I give you another poem about war, this one courtesy of Carl Sandburg. Oh, and Happy Birthday to all you Marines out there. Semper Fi.

Grass by Carl Sandburg (1918)

Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo.

Shovel them under and let me work—

I am the grass; I cover all.

And pile them high at Gettysburg

And pile them high at Ypres and Verdun.

Shovel them under and let me work.

Two years, ten years, and passengers ask the conductor:

What place is this?

Where are we now?

I am the grass.

Let me work.

An Early Memorial Day Post

2010-05-28T18:41:00.000-04:00

Annual Memorial Day poem posted a little early.

For The Fallen by Laurence Binyon

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,

England mourns for her dead across the sea.

Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,

Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal

Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,

There is music in the midst of desolation

And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,

Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;

They sit no more at familiar tables of home;

They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;

They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,

Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,

To the innermost heart of their own land they are known

As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,

Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;

As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,

To the end, to the end, they remain.

She's got the big guns...

2010-04-24T13:43:00.008-04:00

On my recent trip to an undisclosed location, I managed to visit the USS Missouri Memorial. It was a nice tour, especially if you like warships with 16" guns (that's 406.4 mm to you SI types). I took some photographs with the phone. Check them out.

This is what you see as you approach the ship from the port side. You can never fly too many US flags.

This photo is from the bow, near the anchor chains, looking aft toward 6 of the biggest mobile guns in the world.

This next shot is looking forward over the guns from the bridge wings. The white structure is the Arizona Memorial.

Here is a photo of the plaque embedded in the deck marking the location where the representatives of the Empire of Japan signed the instrument of surrender before the representatives of the Allied Powers, marking the end of World War II.

The Moon is a harsh mistress...

2010-02-12T23:32:00.008-05:00

A friend of mine, @tragedyman, asked me to respond to the New Scientist article "NASA moon plan was an illusion, wrapped in a denial" by Henry Spencer. I have read the article a couple of times, and I think I am ready to start my rant.

First, in the interest of full disclosure, if you don't know me, think a spacer is a piece of mechanical hardware similar to a washer, and have no idea who Robert Heinlein was (see quote at top of this page), then let me give a representation of my general outlook on life: I am a bit of a recovering space fan(atic), a misplaced almost rocket scientist, a thrice rejected astronaut applicant, someone whose ideal career pinnacle would be leaving boot prints in the dust of an alien planet, even if it was a one way trip.

'nuff said? Ben Grimm said that first and he was an astronaut (okay, comic/cartoon astronaut) too and the Thing, which is cool.

I think Spencer's take on the last space exploration plan/program (Constellation/Orion/Ares I/V) is largely correct. It was never properly funded. If you compare the funding levels of the Apollo program to the funding levels of the recently cancelled program, you could easily predict that it was never going to happen. Check out this wikipedia page on NASA's budget history in 2007 year dollars. You can see on that page that near it's peak, NASA was getting the equivalent of $33 billion and about 5% of the Federal budget. The 2009 budget was something like $17 billion and only 0.5% of the Federal budget. Less than half the total NASA budget during the Apollo years, while building a space station, operating the Shuttle and trying to design a "new" launch system. Meanwhile, as a percentage of the Federal budget, it is down to only 10% of what it was in the peak Apollo years. It is not an absolute indicator, but it would seem that NASA is less important to the Federal government today, than back then (genius insight, I know). From a technical perspective, they were half-assing it, mixing pieces of the Shuttle program with new components into unwieldy systems that needed a full development program to make them work. They have proposed, studied, and abandoned more versions of the Moon program than I can recall in the last twenty years (and they have been doing it for forty, all told). Mr. Spencer may not be mourning it much, but I do. It is one more major program abandoned. We were explorers, once, but no more, it seems.

The author then rips on NASA's robots several times. I am not sure why. Sure, I always want to see humans out there exploring, but given our inability to commit to a human exploration program and then execute it, the robots may be the only game in town for a while. They seem to be doing good, given the difficulties of the environment and the fact that they in many cases far exceed their design lives. They also make great pathfinders (NASA did this prior to the Apollo landings as well). They are also force multipliers (send them to one place while the astronauts go somewhere else).

I think his most important observations are stated nicely in the last paragraph. Essentially, there are no clear plans, short term or long term. As they said in Battlestar Galactica, this has all happened before and it will all happen again. It is time to break this cycle. Goals should be stated in a clear measurable way that answer three important questions:

-What are we going to do?

-When are we going to get it done?

-How are we going to do it?

To be effective, especially in our political environment, you have to have a short term, clear measurable goal. Hopefully, that short term goal and the means used to achieve can be utilized for the next step (whatever that might be).

Example, to kick off Apollo, Kennedy proposed this plan in 1961:

"First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish. We propose to accelerate the development of the appropriate lunar space craft. We propose to develop alternate liquid and solid fuel boosters, much larger than any now being developed, until certain which is superior. We propose additional funds for other engine development and for unmanned explorations--explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man who first makes this daring flight. But in a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon--if we make this judgment affirmatively, it will be an entire nation. For all of us must work to put him there."

This is reasonably specific for a presidential speech. It talks about when (less than 9 years), it talks about what (send a man to the moon and bring him back alive and well), and it talks about how (rockets, either solid or liquid, lunar space craft, unmanned exploration, funding for additional R&D). The key politically is providing a short time frame and a measurable goal. If the time frame is too long, it will never happen (the last two moon programs had lead times of 15 years before anything would happen-plenty of time to be underfunded and cancelled). It should be tied to the idea of a national goal or effort (this was hammered home repeatedly during Apollo-this is not an astronauts program or NASAs program, this is America's program).

Well, it is getting late and I am not sure what else to ramble on about.

Book Review: Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell

2010-02-06T18:08:00.006-05:00

I recently finished reading Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell (with Patrick Robinson). This is the story of the last surviving member of the SEAL team dispatched on Operation Redwing in July of 2005. Marcus was dispatched with team mates LT (SEAL) Michael P. Murphy, Sonar Technician Surface Second Class (SEAL) Matthew G. Axelson, and Gunners Mate Second Class (SEAL) Daniel Dietz. Their mission to capture or kill a Taliban leader with ties to Al Qaeda. The mission starts out okay, but eventually, they are discovered and must fight for their lives. In the course of the ensuing Battle of Murphy's Ridge, three of the four members of the team are killed. One of the last acts of LT Murphy is to place himself in direct fire of the enemy so he can radio for help. He is mortally wounded while doing this but successfully makes the call. A rescue mission is dispatched, but Al Qaeda or Taliban insurgents manage to shoot it down, resulting in the largest single day loss of SEALs in their history.

This is the story of that mission told from the point of view of the only survivor, Marcus Luttrell. It is a powerful story of men in combat. The part of the book where he describes the death of his comrades, the fall of powerful warriors in battle, was shocking. I almost had to quit reading this book. I made the mistake of reading it on an airplane and I was almost in tears after reading that passage. I decided if Luttrell was brave enough to endure the actual experience, then the least I could do was to be brave enough to finish reading his story.

I strongly recommend this book (just don't read it in public if you might be embarrassed by public tears). This is the tale of some of our bravest warriors fighting in our current wars. Something that neither our media or our government seem comfortable discussing, either then (2005) or now (2010). Do these men the honor of learning their tale, remember their names. I wish I had the opportunity to meet those SEALs before they died.

Light dusting my @$$

2009-12-19T17:23:00.006-05:00

I was told that this is a light dusting compared to Chicago, but this is starting to look like mountain weather at this point-it has been snowing for close to 18 hours now. I think there is a good 12-18 inches on top of this truck.

The snow drift next to the truck is a Mazda 3 (for scale):

A view down the driveway-shoveled clear before noon, completely covered again by 5pm:

Stairs, also cleared at noon, completely covered again by 5pm

Still snowing and no sign of plows, I wonder if the Mayor's last name is Bilandic...

For Veteran's Day and Memorial Day too

2009-11-12T23:40:00.003-05:00

Bloody hell. I missed my annual posting for Memorial Day and now Veteran's day has passed as well.

First, to honor Veteran's Day in the Geek Way, Wired's Geek Dad has a list of Geek heros who were real heros as well. http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/11/geekdad-salutes-our-veterans/

Well, to maintain my haphazard tradition of posting military poems, I found this one by General George S. Patton, Jr., called "Through A Glass, Darkly". It is a bit long, but I post it here anyway.

THROUGH A GLASS, DARKLY

Through the travail of the ages,

Midst the pomp and toil of war,

Have I fought and strove and perished

Countless times upon this star.

In the form of many people

In all panoplies of time

Have I seen the luring vision

Of the Victory Maid, sublime.

I have battled for fresh mammoth,

I have warred for pastures new,

I have listed to the whispers

When the race trek instinct grew.

I have known the call to battle

In each changeless changing shape

From the high souled voice of conscience

To the beastly lust for rape.

I have sinned and I have suffered,

Played the hero and the knave;

Fought for belly, shame, or country,

And for each have found a grave.

I cannot name my battles

For the visions are not clear,

Yet, I see the twisted faces

And I feel the rending spear.

Perhaps I stabbed our Savior

In His sacred helpless side.

Yet, I've called His name in blessing

When after times I died.

In the dimness of the shadows

Where we hairy heathens warred,

I can taste in thought the lifeblood;

We used teeth before the sword.

While in later clearer vision

I can sense the coppery sweat,

Feel the pikes grow wet and slippery

When our Phalanx, Cyrus met.

Hear the rattle of the harness

Where the Persian darts bounced clear,

See their chariots wheel in panic

From the Hoplite's leveled spear.

See the goal grow monthly longer,

Reaching for the walls of Tyre.

Hear the crash of tons of granite,

Smell the quenchless eastern fire.

Still more clearly as a Roman,

Can I see the Legion close,

As our third rank moved in forward

And the short sword found our foes.

Once again I feel the anguish

Of that blistering treeless plain

When the Parthian showered death bolts,

And our discipline was in vain.

I remember all the suffering

Of those arrows in my neck.

Yet, I stabbed a grinning savage

As I died upon my back.

Once again I smell the heat sparks

When my flemish plate gave way

And the lance ripped through my entrails

As on Crecy's field I lay.

In the windless, blinding stillness

Of the glittering tropic sea

I can see the bubbles rising

Where we set the captives free.

Midst the spume of half a tempest

I have heard the bulwarks go

When the crashing, point blank round shot

Sent destruction to our foe.

I have fought with gun and cutlass

On the red and slippery deck

With all Hell aflame within me

And a rope around my neck.

And still later as a General

Have I galloped with Murat

When we laughed at death and numbers

Trusting in the Emperor's Star.

Till at last our star faded,

And we shouted to our doom

Where the sunken road of Ohein

Closed us in it's quivering gloom.

So but now with Tanks a'clatter

Have I waddled on the foe

Belching death at twenty paces,

By the star shell's ghastly glow.

So as through a glass, and darkly

The age long strife I see

Where I fought in many guises,

Many names, -- but always me.

And I see not in my blindness

What the objects were I wrought,

But as God rules o'er our bickerings

It was through His will I fought.

So forever in the future,

Shall I battle as of yore,

Dying to be born a fighter,

But to die again, once more.

Is Halloween dead? It seems to be in Maryland...

2009-11-01T22:38:00.004-05:00

No offense to native Marylander's, but are you from a different America? I have only been in this state about 2 months, but I find it hard to believe I will last a full year.

Halloween came and went this year, but it was very disappointing. We were ready to rock. The kids had matching Power Ranger costumes (their choice). We had candy. We had pumpkins-I even carved three into Jack O'Lantern's (Named for an Irishman, I am sure). Not a single trick or treater was sighted in the neighborhood. We took the kids out shortly after dark, but not very late (around 1900 local time). Out of about six doorbells, only two people answered their doors. They had treats to hand out, but still seemed genuinely surprised to see anyone out and about. We took our now thoroughly dejected kids home in the slight drizzle that just seemed timed for the sad music part of our day. We turned on the TV and couldn't even find the Great Pumpkin on TV. It was like we were in the old Soviet Union. In Russia, you don't scare people, Russia scares you! Bah, I can't even do humor, I am so depressed.

Maryland, you are on notice. We have a few more holidays in the near future. You better get ready to celebrate like you're in America or we kick you out of the union. My family will relocate if we have to. Virginia is starting to sound nice.

So much for Goth Christmas 2009.

Farewell to JSF Flight Test

2009-09-02T17:40:00.023-04:00

28 August 2009 marks a personal milestone. It was my last day working on the Pratt & Whitney Joint Strike Fighter engine (aka the F135). It is hard to believe that I worked almost ten years on that program (and slightly more than 10 years as a UTC employee). Unfortunately, I had to leave the company for personal reasons.

I spent most of the last five years supporting ground testing of engines and flight testing of the F-35 Lightning II (the official name for the Joint Strike Fighter). I was able to see and do many cool things.

I attended the last bolt ceremony for the first engine to test.

I went to Indy to help install some equipment that Rolls Royce used to test their LiftFan.

I helped install and test the first STOVL ground test engine at our facility in Florida. I was hanging upside down at one point behind the LiftFan (the upward pointing cone in the picture below) trying to hook up cables I could barely touch but could not see. Obviously, before we started running the engine and there was a safety platform under me. Good times.

I was able to get some trips to Tennessee to learn how to test engines at simulated altitude conditions at Arnold Engineering Development Center (AEDC).

I spent some time helping out on Accelerated Mission Testing of a STOVL engine. Third shift was so much fun.

I then moved to Texas in 2005 to support engine/airframe integration testing in the labs (required for flight clearance). While there, I got to see and do more cool things.

I watched the first takeoff and landing of the first Joint Strike Fighter (AA-1) before they started calling it the F-35 Lightning II. The landing gear was extended, so it had to climb at a steep angle to keep within speed limits. The chase planes were on full afterburner trying to catch up. A very rewarding sight to an engine guy. First flight was followed up by a party at the Flying Saucer (where I scored free beer from an anonymous P&W executive).

http://www.lockheedmartin.com/products/f35/f35-video.html

I had the opportunity to test many engines in a Navy hush house. It was great to sit in a trailer, outside of a thick walled building and feel the ground shake when the engine was at maximum augmentation (aka full afterburner for you GE fans).

I watched the first takeoff and landing of the first F-35B, BF-1 (first STOVL variant flight).

I learned how to cover flight tests from the control room and was able to support a number of AA-1 flights.

I was able to attend the F-35C carrier variant rollout.

Finally, I got to cover the ground tests and first flight of BF-2, the second F-35B to fly. This took a lot of late nights, 3rd shift work, and weekends, but it was worth it. I even got a very cool challenge coin from the test pilot (he gave one to each of the control room folks). I covered all but the last two flights, including the first aerial refueling of an F-35B (click for a link to LM press release along with a great photo). These were some of the most difficult but also most rewarding work experiences of my life.

But while it was great to see and do cool things, the part of my job in Texas I will miss the most is working with some of the best people on the planet-the P&W/HS Flight Test Team. May our paths cross again one day.

If you are interested in this program, you can find out more at www.jsf.mil (lots of pictures there) or at www.twitter.com/f135engine.

Where did the last two months go?

2009-08-04T01:40:00.002-04:00

Huh. It has been more than two months since I wrote something here. Where did the time go?

Helped family move to temporary housing, found daycare, then left family went back to work.

Worked a few extra hours.

Helped family find a house to live in long term, then left family and went back to work.

Worked too many hours trying to get an airplane ready to fly.

Went back to see family for Independence Day, helped with unpacking and moving of heavy objects. Saw some fireworks, hung out with kids, then left family and went back to work.

Worked a stupid amount of hours but finally got airplane in the air.

Keep having to work weekends, so have not seen family in a month. Major suck factor.

Occasionally babbled on twitter. Waiting for work to slow down so I can get back out for a visit.

The Great Move of 2009

2009-05-27T23:18:00.005-04:00

Well, we did it again. We moved from one side of the Mississippi to the other. This time east bound to the DC area from Hell's Half Acre in Texas. It took us 3 days. We passed through big portions of four states. The cats shed a lot of fur. The kids (two this time instead of one) took some years off our lives.

Some highlights:
-Cats seemed to find tiny places with good claw holds in which to hide. Fortunately, nature has provided a convenient hand hold on the scruff of the neck. Otherwise, we would have left them somewhere (under a hotel bed or under the back seat of the truck).
-Saw Memphis, TN and was seriously underwhelmed. Place needs an enhanced blast weapon (instead of an enhanced radiation weapon). Kim Jong-Il, this one is a freebie.
-Stopped at Graceland, but the price and the wait (more than the price) made it unattractive, so we did not see the Jungle Room or the cars or the Gold Records. We did briefly see the airplanes (not bad for the time, but pretty unimpressive today).
-Did not see the ghost of Elvis on Union Avenue, very disappointed.
-Stopped near Roanoke to check out the Smoky Mountain Brewery and Restaurant. Good stout, so-so food (okay for a pub).
-Spent the night in Kingsport, TN (never heard of it before). We stayed at the Jameson Inn, which was pet friendly, people friendly, and NOT selected due to whiskey preferences.
-Stopped at the Natural Bridge-one big hunk of rock. Got completely soaked in the rain, but the kids seemed to have fun.
-Have become fully ensconced in corporate apartment (Cats have registered grudging approval due to high cabinets that they can climb).

We plan to check out museums (okay, just the Udvar-Hazy center at Dulles) in between house hunting and daycare/school hunting (no licenses required and no bag limit-yeehaw).

T-2 days and counting

2009-05-22T02:14:00.002-04:00

We are getting ready to move the wife, kids, and cats cross country to the DC area. Packers come tomorrow (not the ones from Green Bay). Movers come Saturday. Sunday we hit the road (on the road again...).

My temporary apartment is mostly set up.

Kids are starting to tweak like crackheads.

Wife is pretty stressed.

Cats are giving us dirty looks (they don't realize they are coming with, when they do, then the hating will really begin).

This explains my thought processes most days...

2009-05-11T00:09:00.008-04:00

I am really starting to like the web comic XKCD. If you know me, then you will understand why I really like this particular edition.

Direct link to this XKCD page: http://xkcd.com/337/

It also meshes well with Rule #21 of the USMC Rules of Gunfighting: ""Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

UPDATED (again): All hail the frakin' hail!

2009-03-31T00:06:00.010-04:00

Just had golf ball size hail hit here in Texas. I believe when they say that, that is meant as some sort of average hail size. Something much larger or much faster than that hit the rear window of my car and shattered it. Something else hit one of my rear view mirrors, cracked the plastic housing, and knocked the housing off the car. Will update with photos of horrendous damage in the morning when I have some light (and no rain).

Did I mention that I just had hail damage fixed on the car late last year?

Frakin' hail!

UPDATE: Now with pictures! It took about an hour to clean up the glass and water. I am glad I wasn't on the road with the kids, because glass shards covered the car seats and back seat area as well as the hatchback/trunk. My insurance company has mobilized a catastrophe team for the region. No rental cars until after 1430 local time. My car determined to be unsafe to drive until an adjuster can inspect in person. Guess I am on the motorcycle for a while today.

The place where my rear window used to be....

One of three spider web cracks in the windshield....

The roof of the car simulating the dark side of the moon....

UPDATE 2: Got the insurance appraisal. Initial damage estimate is $6200. Holy impact damage, Batman. All that from some falling iceballs. Frakin' hail. Car has been delivered to the body shop. There were about 20 cars parked on the grass. The owner's wife had to start working there just to keep up with the paper work. I heard they are hiring a huge number of paintless dent removal techs (if they can find them).

I am in San Diego

2009-03-14T16:50:00.002-04:00

Busy doing stuff, so not really posting much. If you have never been here, check out these pictures:

http://picasaweb.google.com/spacer01/SanDiegoTrip

For those of you stuck in cold places, take heart. It is not sunny and 70-80 deg F here. It is only in the 50-60 deg F range and only sunny sometimes. Don't hate me.

Since I will be here for St. Patrick's day, I may head out to see what amateur hour looks like here.

If you like beer, go to the Coronado Brewing Company on Coronado Island-good beer and good food.

Go read xkcd now

2009-02-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

Go to this web site and check out this web comic:

http://xkcd.com/

Then notice that there is a button that takes you back to to the very first drawing. Read them all obsessively. Do it now. Obey.

Messing around with 2 Dimensional Bar Codes

2009-02-11T00:32:00.005-05:00

Check this out.

Go get some 2D reader software and install it on your camera equipped smart phone. One example is NeoReader.

Next, use the software to scan a 2DBC (like 3DBB only one dimension less) and see what happens. What? You don't have any 2DBCs laying around? Well try this one:

The software should have taken you to this web page. The information store in the image above is actually my blog's URL: http://spacer1.blogspot.com

Pretty cool, eh? If you add this design to various items, people can scan it and get the URL back. The above image was created using a java tool from this web page. Enjoy.

Pondering counterintelligence

2009-02-09T22:07:00.008-05:00

I have recently started playing around with twitter. I am only following a couple of people at the moment. One of them recommended reading "Foreign Spies Are Serious. Are We?" by Michelle Van Cleave. He then recommended that after reading and thinking about this article, people should blog about it. He wrote his post here: "Foreign Spies Make Recession Worse and Steal Part of Our Future." Both individuals are highly experienced individuals with experience in the intelligence community. Ms. Van Cleave was the head of the National Counterintelligence Executive (great site for some historical papers on counterintelligence, by the way) from 2003 to 2006. She wrote a longer, more in depth case study on the same subject here.

I cannot lay claim to their level of experience or subject specific knowledge. I only have access to open source information. Here is my take:

-There have been some truly embarrassing CI failures over the last three decades (Ames, Hansen, Walker, et al).

-The threat has not changed, despite changes in geopolitics, wars, and economies (it may be more dangerous than before, but is certainly no safer).

-US counterintelligence is still decentralized and distributed (i.e., no single Federal agency in charge), with little apparent change in operating techniques (despite significant changes in technologies, real/potential enemies, etc).

I think this generally lines up with some of the items written in the articles and blogs mentioned above. I do, however, have some differences of opinion.

-There seems to be a call to arms, as it were, to address this significant danger, before it is too late, etc. I am convinced that we can and should do things better in every government endeavor-we are paying billions and billions of dollars every year. We should get the best service or get our money back. Since it is important to get it right and since it will be difficult to undo the bureaucracy that will inevitably result, we should move slowly. Any serious threats are already damaging us today and are not likely to be instantly fixed. So let us get this right on paper, get the supporting agencies and consumers to agree, program the money and the people, and then drive it home with the appropriate laws, Presidential orders and congressional mandates (rather than starting with the mandates and trying to work in the other direction).

-I am not convinced that technology transfer via espionage, violation of export controls, etc is as dangerous as advertised. I take this position because I am an engineer (okay, a geek and a nerd, but I know some really crazy martial arts, so back off man). Any nation capable of understanding and exploiting our technology would have gotten there anyway. Espionage might accelerate things or it might not (knowing how a nuclear weapon is designed does not help if you do not have the materials, tools, and personnel). Espionage might even work for us (we could feed false or misleading information causing our opponents to waste time and money-Strategic Missile Defense comes to mind).

-Whether or not you agree with that assessment, you should realize that it is too late. Much of our technology has already been exported voluntarily by the our companies. Most large defense contractors have international operations whose goal is to sell US defense technology everywhere they are allowed to do it. At least one (BAE) started as a foreign company and moved some operations into the US to tap into our huge budgets. Many US technology companies routinely outsource manufacturing, coding, and tech support over seas to save money. Many US companies have opened joint ventures in China and elsewhere (joint research ventures, joint manufacturing operations, etc). I do not think you can protect your technology by hiding it. I do think there are strategies. One is to always advance. Keep updating your tech, keep researching alternatives, do not put all of your eggs in one basket (so if one technology or system is compromised, you can "ground" it and fire up the alternate systems instead). Another is to incorporate fool proofing or copy protection into your products and software. This is not as easy as it sounds and is more of a delaying tactic (it forces your opponent to crack the code first-and they will crack it).

Anyway, that's my short rant on the subject. Fire when ready, Gridley.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T23:58:00.002-05:00

Happy 2009. Nothing extraordinary going on. I am alive and so are most of the people I care about.

Since I don't have much to say, let's go all traditional and hear from Robbie Burns instead (he of the hee-land lassies):

Auld Lang Syne

Robert Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days o' auld lang syne.

Chorus

And for auld lang syne, my jo,

For auld lang syne,

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne,

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!

And surely I'll be mine!

And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes

And pu'd the gowans fine;

But we've wander'd mony a weary foot

Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd i' the burn,

Frae mornin' sun till dine;

But seas between us braid hae roar'd

Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere!

And gie's a hand o' thine!

And we'll tak a right guid willy waught,

For auld lang syne.

Jingle Bells

2008-12-26T11:30:00.003-05:00

Jingle Bells

Batman Smells

Robin laid an egg

Batmobile got a flat

and Joker got away, hey!

Sorry for the low blog output

2008-12-15T23:49:00.002-05:00

But I was kidnapped by aliens. Amazon women from the moon. I am being completely honest.

In any case, I finally published a blog entry on the Great Gallbladder Incident of '08 (see post entitled Fun With Gallstones).

Best new term I have seen lately: Deja Moo, the strange sensation that you have heard all this bullshit before.

Best description of the Mumbai attack from John Oliver on the Daily Show on 01DEC2008: "the work of some unbelievable motherfuckers working in tandem with giant assholes" See it all here: http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=210920&title=mumbai-tragedy

Nothing much else going on right now. Will come up with something to write about soon.

Happy Armistice Day

2008-11-11T23:49:00.002-05:00

Part of my blog tradition-a military poem. This one is by Kipling. Not the world's greatest poet, in my opinion, and yet when he writes about military subjects, it always strikes a chord with me. Interesting how problems seen in 1890 are similar to problems seen decades later in another land.

Tommy

by Rudyard Kipling, 1890

I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,

The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."

The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,

I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:

O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";

But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,

The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,

O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,

They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;

They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,

But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";

But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,

The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,

O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep

Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;

An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit

Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.

Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"

But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,

The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,

O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,

But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;

An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,

Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;

While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",

But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,

There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,

O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:

We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.

Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face

The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"

But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;

An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;

An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!

Best Wall Street picture I have seen lately

2008-11-06T23:31:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the disturbing lack of posts. A bunch of stuff has happened lately (more on that in other posts). I got this from my kind spirited and always forgiving mother. Her sympathy for those troubled CEO's on Wall Street knows no limits.

Fun with gallstones

2008-11-05T19:08:00.007-05:00

... or how not to enjoy a business trip.

One morning, about two weeks ago, I woke up in a hotel room with incredible abdominal pain (or at least more than I had ever experienced). No, I didn't wake up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. It was about 0230 and I thought my appendix had burst. I called the front desk to see if they had a doctor or paramedic in the hotel, but of course, that only exists in movies or on TV. I was told the nearest hospital was more than 20 minutes of driving. I did not think I could make that drive in my condition, so I opted for the ambulance ride.

The ambulance drivers showed up a while later (seemed like eternity, but my subjective clock was not running correctly at the time). They were volunteers (their only identification was a t-shirt and a gurney). They seemed to be capable of putting me on the stretcher and into the ambulance (without dropping me), but that seemed to be where their training stopped. They had difficulty taking my blood pressure and apparently were not allowed to dispense medications. Regardless, after a period of time that was less than the infinity but still seemed long, we arrived at the hospital.

The ER folks proceeded to ask me questions. Silly ones, like "What's your name?" To which I answered "AaaarrrgggghhhFuckFuckFuckGiveMeDrugsssssss!!!!!" Eventually, they determined that my abdomen hurt, that it had never hurt like this before, that there was no blood in my stool (don't ask about how they got the sample), and that if they jammed their fingers up under my rib cage on the right side, they could make it hurt more. They then told me I needed an ultrasound, but that I would have to wait until 0700 (eons in the future). So they gave me morphine so I would stop scaring the other patients. Morphine sucks, I can't see how people get addicted to it. It did, however, knock me out, which meant I wasn't around for the pain.

After 0700, they made me take off my pants (this is part of hospital culture-there is no reason for it most times, I think they just like making people feel uncomfortable) and then wheeled me to the ultrasound tech. Said technician took lot's of pictures of my belly, but refused to discuss what was observed (apparently I was not cleared to know about my insides-only a strange doctor that I had yet to meet could know what she found).

Eventually, a doctor appeared and told me I had acute cholecystitis (i.e. gallbladder inflamed due to gallstones). He wanted to get a surgeon and operate that day. I declined the offer, as I was no longer in pain and wanted to get this done at home. He seemed convinced that I would die on the way, but gave me some percocet (percocet does not suck) and let me go, with the caution that I should not eat anything until I had surgery. This proved impossible, so I avoided anything with lots of fat and all greasy foods. Instead of dying, I drove 50 miles, got on an airplane and flew back home. Percocet is really good for sleeping on an airplane. Really good.

Fast forward 2 days: I met with my personal Doc. He agreed that this gallbladder was no longer worth the price of keeping it and recommended surgery. I agreed to meet with a surgeon. The Doc said stay away from fatty foods, greasy foods, and alcohol. I told him I was not familiar with that diet and did not realize it would support human life. I tried it anyway.

Fast forward a week: I met with the surgeon and he agreed (surprise!) that surgery was the correct solution. The next available date was about two weeks in the future.

Fast forward two weeks: After eating stuff I don't like and not eating stuff I do like, I finally had surgery. I think I may have lost more than ten pounds, between the change in diet and the gallbladder that was removed. I am now free to return to killing myself with food and beer.

After about five days, I was back at work and not really in any pain. After another couple of weeks, I was cleared to attempt to kill myself with exercise and give myself a hernia by picking up kids again.

Conclusion: Don't get gallstones, but if your liver and gallbladder will not cooperate, get the surgery and go back to fun food.

Seven years later

2008-09-11T22:27:00.006-04:00

It is amazing to me that 7 years have gone by since the towers fell, the Pentagon was hit, and Flight 93 fell to glory. I have gotten married, had kids, changed jobs, moved out of the first house we owned and I still haven't had the privilege of kicking Usama Bin Laden hard in the nuts.

What is the obvious thing to write about? Why answering the first question anyone asks, where were you on Der Tag?

It was a Tuesday morning. I was at work in a meeting dealing with a technical issue that seemed incredibly important at the time. No one came and told us anything, but when we walked out of the meeting, there were TVs everywhere (little personal black and white portables). And people were staring at them in shock. I remember sitting at my desk and trying to get to CNN's web page, but the network was dead slow. I don't think we got much work done that day. After staring in disbelief at the developing story, I eventually got hungry, so I went out to grab some lunch and pick up the engagement ring for my then girlfriend, soon to be fiance (and now the mother of my immortality). When I got back to work, I couldn't get in my normal gate-there was a cop blocking access. I finally found a gate where they were letting people in, but we had to show our badge (never had to before) and there were cops there too. [explanation: I work for a company that builds numerous aviation/defense products, so they decided they were high on the target list and screamed for help-silly businessmen]. I think I called the woman at her desk, then called back to the house, where both my future mother-in-law and my friend Metron were hanging out (he surfs the internet so I don't have to). I called my commanding officer, who told me to sit tight. I called my parents. Couldn't figure out what else to do at work (although we were immediately bullshitting ideas for invading Afghanistan or maybe just nuking the planet), so I went home (past our new armed guards).

Did I mention that I had just signed up for flight lessons? My timing, as always, was perfect.

None of us could figure out what to do at home (I think I watched the towers fall about 50 times that day), so we trekked out to a local brewpub for dinner and that most important food, beer. Lots of other folks seemed to have the same idea. Must be some sort of defense mechanism (when attacked, fall back, circle the wagons, and drink). We watched the President's speech that night at the pub. Went home, went to bed (after staring at the pictures from that day again on my computer-ain't the internet wonderful?).

Woke up the next morning, found the flag, figured out how to approximate half mast, and flew it every day that way for 30 days (day and night).

Still seems unreal even after all this time.

My biggest regret is that I did not stop to see the World Trade Center when I was in New York City in August of 2001.

Here a links to web pages celebrating the anniversary:

Don't You F'ing Forget (from Wired's Danger Room Blog)

Popular Mechanics Debunks 9/11 Myths

And from This Day in Naval History:

"2001 - One hundred twenty-five Pentagon employees, including 42 Sailors and Department of the Navy civilians, are killed along with 59 airline passengers when terrorists fly a highjacked airliner into the Pentagon."

What should I write about today?

2008-08-22T00:17:00.006-04:00

I am sorry to my readers for not posting in a while. No doubt you have all deleted this page from your bookmarks and I am now just writing for the pleasure of the vast almost intelligent internet.

Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head? Not even something someone was singing, not something from the radio, just a song that started playing inside your brain and wouldn't stop? I had this experience a while back. Remember Michigan J. Frog? He was the singing/dancing frog in Warner Brothers cartoons. He was a one hit wonder-his only hit was an old song called "Hello, Ma Baby". Here is the chorus:

Hello! ma baby, Hello! Ma honey, Hello! ma ragtime gal.
Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me, Honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone;
Oh baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own.
Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello there.

By the way, the best way to get rid of a song in your head is to give it to someone else. Sorry.

Here are some links:

One of my sillier posts, to be sure, but I have been meaning to post this one for a while.

Who's next?

2008-05-28T22:57:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine known as Equalitist in this strange electronic realm has started a blog. I knew this stuff was contagious. Which one of you is next? I linked to it in the title of this post, so check it out.

Another Memorial Day...

2008-05-26T18:17:00.002-04:00

...has come and almost gone. I was going to take the family to the town "wall", but plans were overcome by events. As promised, here is another military poem, this one from 1847. That was the time of the Mexican-American War, the Great Irish Potato Famine

The Bivouac of the Dead
By Theodore O'Hara, 1847

The muffled drum's sad roll has beat
The soldier's last tattoo'
No more on life's parade shall meet
That brave and fallen few;
On Fame's eternal camping ground
Their silent tents are spread;
But Glory guards with solemn round
The bivouac of the dead.

Location Revealed...

2008-05-21T01:40:00.008-04:00

...I am blogging from the Hawaiian Islands. The first set of pictures were from various places around Oahu. The second set of pictures were from the Arizona Memorial (grave to some 900 US sailors).

Here are two more pictures from the Arizona. The next two pictures show the wall of casualties from 07 DECEMBER 1941, a date which shall live in infamy.

Second photographic hints

2008-05-18T19:46:00.005-04:00

Steel rusts and crumbles, oil leaks out of tanks, mingling with the water and making rainbows...

First photographic hints

2008-05-18T19:39:00.003-04:00

I am close to the sea...

...but at one time an angry Earth made some mountain peaks near by...

...but the best scenes are often found while staring lazily up at the sky and consuming suitably diluted and flavored ethanol...

Complaining to myself...

2008-05-17T18:55:00.003-04:00

...and to all of you lurkers out there. Seems a few new people wandered in from Anchorage, Alaska and somewhere in New Zealand.

I am reporting from somewhere in the Pacific (hint, I am on land and not on a boat, that ought to narrow it down to less than a thousand different islands).

I came across this link a while ago, but haven't bothered write about yet. It concerns something near and dear to my heart, namely leaving our cradle (Earth) and conquering the universe, or at least a couple of other rocks in the Solar System. I suppose it should come as no surprise that in this election year, as in most other election years, not a single bloody candidate cares. Check out this link from NPR:

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/05/05/space_policy/

McCain vaguely mentions something on his website about sticking to the Bush plan, which while not bad, is also not tenable since it was never funded. Obama seems to think he can take money away from NASA to educate scientists and engineers (no mention of what they will do with these educated folks, since NASA and it's contractors will be downsizing as a result of funding cuts). Clinton seems to muddle along, vague and noncommittal (no doubt waiting to see which way the political winds are blowing). Clinton's only redeeming quality so far seems to have been hiring Lori Garver, whom I remember from her role in the National Space Society back in the day.

Ugh. I wanted my children to reach the stars. Hell, I wanted to put my bootprints on at least one other world before I died. At the rate things are going, I might live long enough to see the Chinese build their first moon base. Damn reds might beat us after all.

Attention candidates: Prove me wrong, please.

PS: I will try post some pictures tomorrow, just in case anyone wants to guess where I am.

It's been such a long time...

2008-05-02T23:56:00.007-04:00

Hopefully the band Boston doesn't sue me for that title. In fact, I fervently hope no one ever sues me for anything. Pistols at dawn, I say. It's the only honorable way to solve minor disagreements.

In any case, it seems I have been slacking off on this whole blogging thing. Shame on me. Hopefully, you have found other means to entertain yourselves.

Here are some oddball items, links, etc, that I meant to write about. Somehow, I never get to sit down and waste time in front of a computer until I am almost too tired to do so. Ah for the good old days of Tetris, Wolfenstein, and Doom. When the internet was young and wild and slooooooooooow. Now, I spend my days working (outrageous, where is the socialist utopia where robots work and we play!!!) and I spend my evenings chasing kids and getting them to bed.

First link:

ZIPskinny

This link takes you to a site where you can learn various statistics about your zip code (or any other zip code). Oddly, it was missing crime stats. Never fear, intrepid readers, for that brings us to the next link...

Second link:

Family Watch Dog

This link takes you to a site where you can search for sex offenders, find their homes and places of work, see their pictures, descriptions, and crimes. Creepy in all kinds of ways. First, you can see just how many sex offenders are living near you. You can see their pictures (most look a bit off, but a couple were disturbingly normal looking). You can see the age of the victim (must control urge to hunt them down). But creepy from another perspective. How long will it take before we are all on a map somewhere, with pictures and other personal information? Assuming, of course, that we are not all plotted on a map somewhere already. And yes, I know, I have a map plotting your general locations posted right on my blog. Hypocrisy is a normal mode of thought for me. Big Brother is watching. "Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime is death." - George Orwell, 1984, Book 1, Chapter 2

Third link:

Brothel Field Trip

This link takes you to a CNN story about a college field trip. To Vegas. And just outside of Vegas to the Chicken Ranch to see a real brothel and meet the working girls. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over. When I was in college, we took a bus ride on the Skyway to Gary, IN to see a steel mill. Granted, we were engineering students, and the steel mill was cool (well, actually, it was really warm, because molten steel is really hot, oh never mind). But if someone said, come on to Vegas, we are going to see how engineering can effect the operations of casinos and brothels, I would have been all over it like a bad rash. Hmmm, perhaps an unwise simile for the subject matter. It's just not fair, I tell you. Kids these days don't know how good they have it. Etc etc blah blah blah, someone shoot me now, because I sound like an angry old man.

Final discussion: According to a travel security service my company uses, Ireland invaded Chad back in February. Somehow I missed that.

Chad February 21, 2008 11:24 GMT
Irish Troops Arrive in N'djamena
Approximately 50 Irish rangers arrived as a part of the EU peacekeeping force (EUFOR) on 21 February in the capital, N'djamena. The troops are scheduled to be deployed in the volatile eastern region of Chad, bordering Sudan and the Central African Republic (CAR). An additional 400 Irish troops are expected to be deployed in May. In a separate development on 20 February, three prominent newspapers in Chad announced a publishing strike until the government lifts the state of emergency. The media blackout was launched in protest against the state of emergency that places restrictions on the media.

Here are some supporting links:

Irish Times Article

Boston Globe Article

And this is the unit that Ireland sent:

Army Ranger Wing

Seems like a rough and ready outfit.

Does this make me a minority officially?

2008-03-17T21:56:00.003-04:00

This was posted on my company's internal web page today (names have been altered to protect the guilty). I think this officially makes me a member of a minority (and not just a minority of one-see I knew what you were going to type in the comments). I want some status now, points when applying for Federal jobs, etc. We have a day and a month, just like the other minorities. We have jokes made about us, derogatory names, and stereotypes. The stereotypes make me so mad sometimes, I want to get drunk and punch somebody. Finally, after decades of work, the National Association for the Advancement of Irish People (NAAIP) has made some progress.

March 17, 2008 A message from the Office of Workforce Diversity. Celebrating National Irish American Heritage Month This month [deleted company] joins the rest of the country in celebrating Irish American Heritage Month. During Irish American Heritage Month, we celebrate Irish Americans and the significant contributions they have made to our nation.

During the Great Potato Famine of the 19th century, approximately one million Irish came to the United States. And over the past 150 years, millions more have come. In this country, Irish Americans have ably served in their communities, making great contributions in literature and the arts, in business and industry, in government and in the Armed Forces. Approximately 44 million Americans proudly share their Irish ancestry, especially in celebrating St. Patrick's Day with parades, family gatherings,
Masses and dances.

Our commitment to having an inclusive work environment, building a diverse work force, and continuously improving employee engagement make [deleted company] a great place to work. During this month we congratulate [deleted company] Irish American employees.

[deleted company] believes in having its work force reflect the diversity of our more than 9,000 customers in 190 countries around the world. We appreciate all employees for the work they do each day in support of our company's goal to be #1 in our industry.

The Dilbert Widget now on my blog!

2008-02-26T01:37:00.002-05:00

Why be creative on my own, when other people are doing such a good job? Scott Adams now has a Dilbert widget for use with web sites. Look to the right. Enjoy.

Quiz Results

2008-02-13T22:20:00.005-05:00

A friend sent me some links to some fun online quizzes, well fun if something is missing in your moral center anyway.

Here is how I did:
Five year olds beware:
24

It's clobberin' time! 'Nuff said.

Lunar survival skills:
56%

56%? I feel shame in my emotion processing unit. I should change my user name. My only solace is that I disagree with some of the choices.

My geek percentage:
74% Geek

I took the Death Report quiz and found that 131,367 People Died the Day I was Born. Less than I would have thought.

In addition to my life insurance, apparently my survivors could sell my corpse for:
$4305.00

And finally, since I have written about zombies before, here are my chances for the infamous zombie apocalypse scenario:
75%

Free California Dating

"I have a weak back..."

2008-02-01T23:40:00.000-05:00

Found this on http://ocii.com/~cmeek/puns_v1c.htm:

Joe - I've got a weak back.
Moe - How long have you had a weak back?
Joe - Oh, for about a week back.
Moe - Sounds like you've got a weak back joke.
Joe - Mayhap a Bad Joke Week?
Moe - There -- have your weak joke back...
Joe - Yes, but you gave me my joke back weak!
Moe - This is a whole bag of weak jokes!
Joe - You mean you won't back a weak joke? Aw, c'mon.

So last week, as I was sitting on the floor trying to calm down a screaming child at 0-dark-30, a small bomb exploded in my back. Or at least that is what it felt like. I couldn't stand (pain was too great). I couldn't sit. All I could do was lay on the floor and whimper. I finally summoned enough courage to crawl all the way back to bed (still whimpering), where I stayed for most of the day. Got a doctor's appointment and was rewarded with many different kinds of drugs. A shot of some kind of anti-inflammatory drug, some steroids, some muscle relaxer and some hydrocodone. I am now practicing better living through chemistry. I was a little disappointed with the steroids, however. I have not bulked out like a weightlifter. Oh well. After a week, the pain was manageable, but it was still there. My next stop was a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) machine. After reviewing the images, the doc determined I have a bulging disc. I guess I will now get to see yet another doc next week.

I hope I haven't left you in spine-tingling suspense as you await the results. That would no doubt strike a nerve with some folks. I must now get off my tailbone and lumbar off to bed.

Surveillance results to date

2008-01-20T23:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, as you may remember, I started spying on you, just to see who was reading this nonsense I write. Apparently, you folks are from all over the place. Here is a short list, in case you didn't check out the map:

Cupertino, CA (1)
Denver, CO (1)
Avoca, IA (1)
Highland Park, IL (2)
Denham Springs, LA (1)
North Hartland, VT (1)
Quincy, MA (3)
Mount Holly, NJ (1)
Rockville, MD (1)
Raleigh, NC (21)
Tampa, FL (1)
USA (9)
Clacton-on-sea, Essex, UK (1)
UK (2)
Antony, Ile-de-France, France (1)
Cluj, Romania (1)
Australia (1)

So, who are all you folks? I don't think I know anybody living in or near most of these places. Let's see what Google says about your home towns (or at least the place where the server sits):

Cupertino, CA--do you work for Apple Inc? I do believe I have mentioned Apple or iPhones or something once or twice on the blog.
Denver, CO--don't think this gets you into the mile high club that easily.
Avoca, IA--either this place is really boring and people are leaving, or you are all dying off, because your population is decreasing (1534 two years ago, down from 1610 in 2000).
Highland Park, IL--since I know people in Chicago, I assume this is where your ISP plugs into the Internet.
Denham Springs, LA--I have actually never been to Louisiana, but I see you are near Baton Rouge.
North Hartland, VT--I think I passed through your town on the way to Killington for a ski trip.
Quincy, MA--I have been to Boston a number of times and recognize the name from maps and road signs
Mount Holly, NJ--Predates the American Revolution by 69 years. Impressive.
Rockville, MD--I have been to Maryland, so maybe this was me logging into the blog.
Raleigh, NC--been to the airport while switching planes. Can't imagine who logged in 21 times from there.
Tampa, FL--I hid from a hurricane once in Tampa, but it didn't hit the place I was living, so it was a wasted trip.
Clacton-on-sea, Essex, UK--Apparently the home to a volunteer life saving station (Royal National Lifeboat Institution, http://www.rnli.org.uk/) similar to the USCG Auxiliary (http://www.cgaux.org/).
Antony, Ile-de-France, France--Looks like a Parisian suburb.
Cluj, Romania--Dates back to the Roman Empire and it's in Transylvania-vampires are now on the web.
Australia--Anyone that will give AC/DC a home is alright by me.

Swear a mighty oath

2008-01-12T01:03:00.000-05:00

A friend is about to turn in their green card, take the oath and become a citizen. I knew there was an oath involved, but I really had no idea what it entailed. I have provided a link above, but here is the text of the Oath of Allegiance for Naturalized Citizens:

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

Wow. Maybe this whole illegal immigration phenomenon is grounded in this oath. You have got to have some stones to stand up and take this one (assuming you are honorable enough to mean what you say). The pledge of allegiance is down right wimpy and sad compared to the oath above. Just for comparison, this is an oath I am more familiar with, the Armed Forces Oath of Enlistment:

"I, __________, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.''

Still pretty scary stuff (it doesn't seem all that bad when you read it, but when you are repeating after the officer giving you the oath, with your right hand in the air, the whole weight of it just comes crashing down on your shoulders).

But going back to that oath of allegiance, a question for my fellow native born citizens: Would you be willing to take that oath of allegiance if you had to? If the answer is no, do you sleep easy at night?

Discovered on a vehicle sticker

2007-12-22T12:59:00.000-05:00

As I was leaving the bank (this will make the web site seem even
funnier), I saw a sticker on the driver's side window of a car. The
sticker had the phrase 'Expect Resistance' in bold red letters. Below
that phrase was the following URL:

http://www.crimethinc.com/

Go ahead and check it out, I will wait right here.

Okay, now let me remind you that this sticker was on a relatively late
model car parked in a Bank of America parking lot. So someone from a
decentralized anarchist collective was driving the product of highly
industrialized capitalist society and engaging in banking at a large
nationwide bank with close ties to the federal government.

As metron always said, irony is very ironic.

Mobile blogging from my iPhone....

Mobile blogging test

2007-12-15T22:54:00.001-05:00

This is a test of the mobile blogging system. This is only a test.
Had this been an actual blog entry, this entry would have contained
something interesting or funny or a picture or at least a pithy
comment instead of this boring play on the emergency broadcasting
system. This was only a test.

Sent from my iPhone

Christmas in Hell's Half Acre

2007-12-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

Texas seems to like big things, including big trees. Picture taken with my camera phone a few days ago.

Survived Disneyworld

2007-12-01T21:25:00.000-05:00

Travelled to Florida for a few days with the family. We survived running around WDW with our 3 year old and 2 year old children. This is not for the feint of heart, nor for those out of shape. The kids violated the laws of thermodynamics by expending more energy than they took in while accumulating size and mass. Note: WDW is getting truly creepy with finger print scanners, hard plastic tickets that double as room keys and credit cards (they have your name on them). No obviously armed guards, but the Animal Kingdom park had some serious external security (barbed wire fences and vehicle barriers).

How to improve your physical performance...

2007-11-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

1. Contract a disease (any will do, so long as it fatigues you and/or interferes with breathing)
2. Get a flu shot
3. Go home and drink about four margaritas (I say about four, because who really keeps count after the second one)
4. Sleep poorly (having sick kids to wake you up a night will work, but no specific technique is required)
5. Wake up early
6. Take motrin
7. Drink coffee instead of water

Not sure if this works for everyone, but I managed to do more situps and run faster than I have in years.

Armistice Day aka Veteran's Day

2007-11-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918, most of the slaughter in Europe ended for a while. Most of the men and women that lived through that war are gone, so there are few to remember and tell the tales of that time.

Here is a poem from that war that ended fifty three years before I was born. The poet died one week before the armistice.

Dulce et Decorum Est
by Wilfred Owen

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!–An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,–
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Halloween in Fort Worth

2007-10-31T20:32:00.000-04:00

What was once a wild and weird night of fun, pranks, and little risk (the infamous needle in a candy bar or a kidnapping), is now a carefully regulated activity. Trick or treat occurs between 1830 and 2030 hours local time. Kids used to travel in groups having fun (at least when I was growing up in the last century). Now they seem to travel in ones or twos under close parental escort. Half the people on the block just put a bowl of candy outside, rather than truly participating in the holiday. Half the kids just show up and hold out their bags. You have to tell them to say trick or treat. Most still say thanks, so we are still in the decline of western civilization and not yet in the fall of western civilization.

Blue Angels Pictures

2007-10-29T02:09:00.000-04:00

As requested, some pictures from the Blue Angels performance at last weekend's air show (tailgated in Cabela's parking lot with the rest of Texas). Pictures aren't fantastic, snapped with a Canon Digital Elph, so minimal zoom and not the fastest aperture in the west....

Wing tip to wing tip in a giant loop in the sky....

Five ship formation in a low altitude pass....

Four ship formation, two inverted, low altitude pass....

Four ship diamond formation in low altitude pass....

Who complains about living near an airport?

2007-10-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

Because when you live near the right one, you get to see the United States Navy Blue Angels flying over your house for free!!! Hoo-yah! Go Navy!

HAVE LASIK-will get buried in paperwork

2007-10-03T23:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I am still working on the astronaut application. I did this once before, but I forgot how much bloody paperwork is involved. Resume (not too short, but not too long), references, medical history, flying history, official transcripts, proof that you are not currently controlled by an alien life force bent on world domination, etc, etc.

Compare this to the civilian, that is non-government world. Email resume, do a phone interview or two, get flown somewhere for a real world interview (they will even fly a spouse or kids if they really want you), plant tour, get taken out for a nice lunch, maybe a nice dinner, might get a quick tour of area, etc. If they like you, they offer you the job and then you fill out the application, etc (no sense wasting people's time on paperwork that isn't needed).

Sigh.

Well, I have several months before the job posting is closed, so I should be able to get it all done.

Have LASIK-will travel....

2007-09-27T23:25:00.000-04:00

If you have had LASIK, you are no longer automatically disqualified from being an Astronaut (see link in title). Yeeee-haaaaw!!

NASA's information on astronauts:

Astronaut FAQ

USAJobs website (so you too can apply):

USAJobs

Maybe we can put Spacer into space after all (unlikely, but at least there's hope)....

I am spying on you

2007-09-04T21:03:00.000-04:00

I added a little mapping widget from maps.amung.us that shows the location of my vast horde of readers (all one of you).

Did you see this on CNN?

2007-08-23T19:44:00.000-04:00

Click on the link above, but only do so when the emotionally sensitive are not around.

Do not punch your CRT in anger. This hurts.

There is good news. As of today, a non-profit agency has offered to bring this boy to the US (along with his family) and do all kinds of reconstructive surgery and counseling (follow up story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/08/23/iraq.boyfolo/index.html). The agency is The Children's Burn Foundation (http://www.childburn.org/) and you can donate here: https://www.applyweb.com/public/contribute?s=childb. I think this is great, so I gave them $100.

But I am still very angry. I have a small boy (younger than this boy) and a younger daughter. This struck a little close to home. I almost want to volunteer to go to Iraq. My biggest fear is that instead of letting me hunt down animals like the ones that attacked this boy, they would make me do stupid stuff like build a sewer or drive a convoy through an ambush.

Happy 100th Birthday to Robert A. Heinlein

2007-07-26T19:45:00.000-04:00

Today, 2007.07.26, is the 100th birthday of Robert A. Heinlein. Follow the link above to read the Wired Science story. If you didn't know, he is my favorite author. His writing inspired me to become an engineer, join the military, read the works of other authors, and explore other planets (okay, so I have not left my bootprints on another world yet, but I am not even 40 yet and many men in my family live until their 70s or 80s). The quote from Lazarus Long at the top of this blog is from his book Time Enough For Love.

If you have never read anything by Robert A. Heinlein, you are one lucky S.O.B. to have all of that in front of you. If you haven't read anything by him, might I suggest the following books:

Starship Troopers (a short book, originally considered a juvenile, it actually has very important discussions on the very philosophy of war--whatever you do, do NOT see the movie, remember DO NOT SEE THE MOVIE)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (great book about everything-family structure, crime & punishment, government, how to run a succesful violent revolution, etc)

Stranger in a Strange Land (this book looks at religion, love, and everything about the human condition as observed by a man raised by Martians)

I recommend you set aside some time and money because once you start reading his books, you may not be able to stop. If you don't like them, there is probably something wrong with you.

Want to save the world? Buy one of Heinlein's juveniles for some kid (yours or someone elses). You may not save the world, but it is very possible you may save someone's life (Spider Robinson insists that his life was saved at age 6 by a librarian that gave him the book Red Planet).

Not swimming yet...

2007-07-06T23:35:00.000-04:00

But it has been close. It rained for almost three weeks before I left Texas. I was gone for 3 weeks, but was told it rained while I was gone. Then it rained for most of the last two weeks. I was told Texas was hot and dry, not overcast, humid, and wet. Fortunately, no flooding in our neighborhood.

Today was the first nice evening in a long time, so the whole family went out to the pool and splashed around (I know, I know, complain about the rain, then as soon as it dries out, head to the pool-irony is ironic, don't you think).

Number 2 child is walking and almost talking. Now if we can get Number 1 son potty trained, life would be really good.

Looking forward to a motorcycle ride this weekend if the weather holds.

Surfing for the first time

2007-06-20T02:57:00.000-04:00

This weekend I decided I should try surfing (since I am in SoCal).

Results after 2.5 hours (including lesson and freeplay)
-jammed big toe (left foot)
-gigantic deep blister (right big toe)
-knuckle on right middle finger swollen by about 30% and too stiff to move for a day
-bruise on right leg
-deep deep muscle pains, particularly in legs
-sand and salt, lots of it, embedded almost everywhere
-about 3 seconds of time almost standing (just long enough to yell "Whoo-[splash!][gurgle][sputter])
-the distinct memory of being under the surfboard and getting pushed under the water by the wave
-real annoyance at a bunch of young punks doing sick tricks on shorty boards
-the determination to try this again (if I heal enough before I leave town)

To quote one Sergeant Roger Murtaugh of the LAPD, I am too old for this shit.

If you are trying to figure out just how funny this must have looked from the outside, just think back to my famous wipeouts from the early years of snowskiing (if you ever saw one).

Life in laptop hell....

2007-06-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Wondering why I haven't sent you an email lately?

Did you check this blog and find me strangely silent?

Okay, so I don't post updates that often, but I have another good excuse this time. My laptop went up in smoke. Large bolts of lightning shot out of every port. An eery green backlight glowed under the keys (note-I don't have a backlight). A strange little girls voice said "They're heeeerreee....."

So none of that exciting stuff really happened. In reality, my powerbook would not boot up. I thought at first the screen had died (since I did here a start up chime at least once, but nothing appeared on the screen and the backlight (normal white not eery ectoplasmic green) did not light up. I took it in to the Apple store, hooked it up to an external monitor, and found that it no longer booted at all. The "Genius" bar was obviously channeling the early Einstein (when he flunked out of high school and before he wrote about relativity). They seemed incapable of any serious troubleshooting. Since I was traveling, I did not have any technical references with me. Then one of the geniuses slid me a business card of a local independent mac repair guy.

I met with the guy, he tried some various start up options and finally, just for laughs, pulled out one of my ram upgrades. The stupid laptop then proceeded to boot off of his test cd. Grrrr...failure after only 6 months of operation. So one of my ram modules failed, but wait it gets worse (doesn't it always get worse with my stories). The hard drive had also failed (the computer is four years old, is on a lot, and has been moved through quit a few airports, xray machines, and car rides, so I guess I can't complain too much).

Bottom line: I have a new hard drive (80gb vs the original 60gb), but only 512mb of ram (down one ram chip). I have also lost most of the data on the drive. Only about a gb of data was salvageable before the old drive ceased communicating.

Fortunately, the biggest portion of the lost data was music (backed up on my iPod) and pictures (most are backed up on wife's computer). I only lost a few business files and pictures (although I might have some on an external drive at home or on some old cds). The rest of the data was applications, and I have most of the cdroms at home, so I should be good there.

Downside, I will have to limp along with a partially configured computer until I return home and then will have to spend a fair amount of time reinstalling and updating applications.

The fun never ends around here.

If you have a computer, buy a cheap external hard drive and copy everything to it. Update the backup as regularly as you can and you will not face the disaster I have been through this week.

A late Memorial day post

2007-06-05T00:45:00.000-04:00

I have decided to start a tradition for this blog. I will post a poem or something each Memorial day for my fallen brothers and sisters. This year's poem is easy. You all know it. Whisper the words along with me if you will. And remember to say you are sorry to your mother for causing her so much worry and grief...

Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
—By John McCrae

Happy Memorial Day 2007.

One degree of separation from VA Tech Shootings

2007-04-26T00:31:00.000-04:00

I was reading CNN today (well it's better than watching it) and I found out that I know one of the engineering faculty members at Virginia Tech. It was quite a shock. I was obviously saddened to hear about the massacre, but it was in an impersonal way. In fact, after the first day, I was a little sick of the story (after all, the media did not have anything new to add, so I was tired of hearing the repeated story). It seemed that all other news stopped (even though the insurgents were lighting up Iraq last week). Then I read this article and I see the name of my design professor from UIC. Apparently, he moved to Virginia Tech in 2004 (long after I last had contact with him). Still, the last thing you expect in such a situation is to know anyone involved with it. I also recently found out some co-workers are Virginia Tech alumni.

Life is weird.

Go Hokies (never even heard of their mascot before the shootings, probably never forget the name now....).

Link to CNN blog post

USMC Rules for Gunfighting

2007-04-19T23:33:00.000-04:00

At a friend's request, I have posted the USMC Rules for Gunfighting. May you never need them, but if you do wind up at the OK Corral, these are a good place to start... NOTE: These rules were posted at Military.com. I can't find the original page, so if you have the link, leave it in the comments and I will update the posting...

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Your life is expensive.

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

9.5 Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).

19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

23. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4"

Man, have I been slacking off...

2007-03-31T03:53:00.000-04:00

Sure, I have a blog, where did I leave that thing, it's around here somewhere....

Okay, okay, so I don't really write prolifically. At least I post once in a while.

Here are some updates:
It was warm enough new year's day to go for a motorcycle ride, so I did. I meant to post that to piss off my motorcycle riding readership in the cold northlands.

We were supposed to go see STS-117, the next space shuttle mission lift off from KSC. It was going to be a nice trip-the wife has not seen a shuttle launch in person yet, my 2 year old son might be just at the right age to enjoy that much fire and noise (or else I would be having surgery to remove a small child from my neck), and there would be time for the usual Orlando activities as well as visiting with some old friends. Alas, Thor, God of Thunder intervened and laid waste to the External Tank with a mighty blast of hail. Now, with the shuttle launch tbd (the last news was NASA decided not to make a decision until next month on when they might launch....grrrrrr), tax bills coming due, and other obligations on the calender, our trip may not happen this year. Too bad, cause I actually know one of the guys on the crew and wouldn't mind seeing him take a ride to orbit again.

The kids are 2 and 1, so life is ground hog day--get up, get kids ready for daycare, drive to daycare, drive to work, work, drive to daycare, drive home, eat, get kids ready for bed, fall asleep on floor of son's bedroom, stagger to own bed, wake up to screaming baby, hand in bottle, stagger back to bed, move son, who is now in my spot, move cat that has jumped up in place of son, fall back into bed, get up, get kids ready.....

We have all been sick, but fortunately not all at once. Lots of colds, one almost flu/strep throat thing, some ear infections, etc. Kids are biohazards.

I turned 36. Ugh. Felt like over the hill last year, can't wait to see what this feels like in another six months. Love getting older.

South Park has been on for 10 years???? They must be stuck in some sort of endless loop, because the kids haven't aged or changed grades in quite some time (hmmm-the future of tv-all cartoons-actors are never seen and so only have to sound plausible and not look plausible-screw reality tv, this is the real low budget winner). My favorite episode is probably still the undead episode (first season?) where Kenny was embalmed with Worcestershire sauce and turns into a flesh eating zombie (or pinkeye as it is known in the medical community). Actually, I guess it was episode 107 of the first season and it was called Pinkeye. And to my friends that played way too much warcraft (you know who you are), please watch Episode 1008, Make Love, Not Warcraft and take it's lesson to heart.

Iran started holding hostages again. Happy days are here again. Feels just like my childhood somehow.

Still no signs of intelligent life on Earth....

Too tired to post for several months

2006-11-30T17:09:00.000-05:00

Where have I been the last few months?

Well, I have been busy in the real world and forgot to maintain my virtual presence.

Short summary:

Kids have been working us hard-middle of the night wakeups, the two year old showing up in the bed sometime during the night, resistance to going to bed-in other words, we are spending lots of energy and getting little rest.

Work has kept me busy-lots of 6 day weeks. Lots of 0-dark-30 wake ups to get in by 0600. Contributing to the aforementioned lack of sleep.

School has kept me busy too-foolishly taking another grad class in engineering. When will I learn to stop learning and have some fun?

Shorter summary: after the kids go to bed, I collapse, then get up and go to work, then pick up kids, then try to get kids to bed, start over.

Send a post card to our troops

2006-11-30T17:01:00.000-05:00

It's the winter holiday season, which is a hard time for people to be away from home. It's even harder if you are sitting somewhere in the middle of a war zone, with bombs going off, people trying to kill you, friends getting wounded or killed, etc. Send a post card to one of our troops. It's easy and it's quick. Select other for the message content and type in your own words rather than using the precanned messages on the site. In case the link above is not working, here is the URL again: http://www.letssaythanks.com/

Stolen motorcycle update

2006-08-22T12:43:00.000-04:00

About a week ago, the insurance company transferred ownership of my old bike to Argo Cycles in New Hampshire (http://www.argocycles.com). I have put a link to the picutes of the bike in the title, but I will add a photo here as well. The bike was stock (as shown in the previous post), but has been repainted and chromed. They also installed low profile turn signals, removed the old plastic fender in the rear and apparently put in some custom horns.

Sometimes there is a little justice

2006-08-08T00:48:00.000-04:00

Flash back to my pre-blogging, pre-kids, pre-marriage days. It is 2002 and I just bought a CBR954RR in black/silver/white. Very cool looking, very fast liter class sport bike. Suddenly, going to work wasn't so bad, because I was going to do it at 100+ mph, feeling like it was 60 mph because the ride was so smooth. If you can love a machine, then that bike was loved.
-----
Flash forward two years and I am posting this information around work and by email:
Some bastards stole my motorcycle. I doubt any of you will come across this bike, but if any of you should see it, give me a call. 2002 Honda CBR954RR, CT Plate: 743683
• Picture is not my bike, but is the same model, year, colors.
• Distinguishing features: Frame sliders mounted on the frame near the engine and on the rear swing arm.
• Stolen from driveway on Rood Avenue, Windsor, CT sometime between 2000hrs on 10 JUNE and 1400hrs on 11 JUNE
-----
Flash forward two more years. I have been paid by my insurance. I have purchased a nice but less capable replacement bike. I am somewhat unhappy about it, but what can you do? I have two kids and need to pay some bills, so I can't afford an exact replacement anytime soon. I was recently telling this story to a coworker who also had a bike stolen. Yesterday, I get a call from the Windsor police department. Some dude was pulled over by the state police in Connecticut on my old bike. He was arrested and the bike was recovered. Unfortunately, the insurance now owns it and it is against their policy to sell vehicles back to the former owners. Here is the real kicker. I called the body shop that is holding the bike. It is in immaculate condition, has had a new paint job, custom wheels, etc, the shop owner estimated ~$2000 worth of work. So this asshole who may have either stolen my bike or possibly purchased it knowing that it was stolen sank a pile of cash into the bike and is now cooling his heels in jail. There is a little justice in the world, but not much. I think I would have been happier if all they found was pieces of the frame with the VIN on it. The idea that someone else in Connecticut was riding my bike, customizing it, enjoying the road just makes it all worse somehow.

Longing for the days when they would hang a man for stealing a horse.....

Do Not Follow This Link

2006-07-13T23:12:00.000-04:00

I haven't been posting because I have been hunting zombies in Malton. Now I am (un)dead (for the second time) and all I can saw is Mrh and Graagh! Don't start playing this game. You have been warned.

Real Pizza in Texas

2006-07-03T13:07:00.000-04:00

This may not be a big deal to you, unless you grew up in Chicago and then left for other parts of the country. Nobody else's pizza ever tasts right. And most places insist on cutting pizza's into pie shaped slices, which is okay if the pizza is small, but makes them unwieldy if they are large. Most places in Chicago cut regular (non-deep dish) pizza's into square shaped pieces. This makes them small and easy to manage. I finally found a place in Texas that knows how to make real pizzas. How? Well, it turns out they are from Chicago, that's how. Enter Little Joe's Famous Chicago Pizza and Restaurante. Now I never heard of them before, so I don't know how famous they really are, but their menu states they originated on 63rd street and have locations in Tinley Park and New Lennox (following the exodus out of the city no doubt). When we opened up the box, I immediately declared that it looked like real pizza. The taste wasn't too bad. The sauce was a little mild for my preferences, but otherwise everything else was much better than any other local pizza joint.

We can now survive in Texas indefinitely.

Back on four wheels (at least sometimes)

2006-06-28T00:25:00.000-04:00

I finally bought a car. It is a black 2006 Mazda3 s touring 5 door. Here is some tech data:

Mazda3 specs

I have only had it two days, but so far, I like it. I got the 5 speed manual because I always wanted one, but never owned one. It is pretty fun. I am not real skilled with first gear (seem to keep lighting up the tires). Low speed is the hardest part. I am getting the hang of it. Riding a motorcycle no doubt helped a little, but the body mechanics are different (shifting with my hand and clutching with my foot instead of the other way around. Different hand too!).

Anyway, if you are on a Texas highway and something small, loud, and black screams by your flank, I apologize in advance for spilling your coffee.

Sold!

2006-05-14T22:27:00.000-04:00

Finally, some good news. The Connecticut house has sold. It is now someone else's moneypit. I wish them the best of luck and hope nothing breaks while they own it, but let's face it, it is a 50 year old house built using tecnologies that hadn't changed too much in the 50 years preceding it's construction. If I ever have to buy a house again, it will be the (que tv announcer voice) "The Home of the Future". Automation built in from the start, cat 5, coax, phone and any other connections built in. Robot vacuum cleaners (hmmm-should get one now since we do not have a dog).

Side note-I now have to go spend some of the equity on a car. My target specs are 200-300 horsepower, turbo or super charged, all wheel drive, stick shift, 4 wheels, at least 2 doors and at least 4 seats and a trunk. My target price is less than $20000. This will be a tricky optimization problem, as I would prefer to buy new. I may need to reduce my target horsepower and I may have to drop all wheel drive from the specs as well. I hate not getting everything I want.

Good news, bad news

2006-04-30T00:54:00.000-04:00

Well, the good news is I made it back to Chicago for some good pizza and time with my family. I even met an aunt that I had last seen in the 1980s. The bad news is we all got together to bury my favorite uncle. I am getting tired of carrying coffins. That's twice in less than 6 months. Heading back out of town tomorrow. I resolve to come back again for a happy event.

There has to be some good news in this guy's life

2006-02-24T12:07:00.000-05:00

If you have read any of this stuff, you would think all I do is move from one disaster to another. That nothing good is happening at all. Well, it has been a rough few months, but here is some good news:

-Job is going reasonably well and the location is interesting and entertaining from time to time (if you like loud military jets-I do-we call it the sound of freedom).
-My son started walking at the end of January. He still likes being carried around, but he is also starting to walk on his own. I sense some relief on the horizon for sore arms, neck and back.
-My wife is not pregnant anymore. She gave birth to our daughter, who is sound asleep on my lap as a I type this. New borns are the tiniest humans you will ever see. She is smaller and lighter than our cats and loves to curl up in a ball in your arms.

The only bad thing this week is the weather is cold enough to make me want to skip riding my motorcycle. I thought Texas was supposed to be warm, dammit!

Goodbye, Dad

2006-01-27T16:16:00.000-05:00

So where were we? Oh yeah, the toilet had exploded on 12 DEC 2005. Shortly after attempting to mitigate the flooding coming out of the bathroom (if you have recently moved, you have lots of cardboard boxes, which make great carpet runner to cover up wet, shit soaked carpeting on a temporary basis), I called the property management hotline and left a scathing message. I thne returned to the computer room to attempt to set up the wireless network once more. Just as I got there the phone rang. An old friend of the family was on the phone and asked how I was doing. I was about to relay the story of the toilet, when she interrupted me and said my dad was in the hospital. The first thing I thought was car accident, but instead I was told he was sick all weekend and went into the hospital that morning. He was apparently in the ICU and getting blood transfusions due to internal bleeding. Mom's cell phone was dead and there wasn't a phone in the room, so the family friend was tasked with tracking me down.

Long pause as brain readjusts to the change in reality.

Thanks to the internet and the entire US government-industry partnership in aerospace, I was able to procure a ticket back home to Chicago leaving at 0630 the next morning. Spent the next little while packing, emailing boss and coworkers and worrying without useful data. Emailed my mom to let her know I was heading into town. Emailed my network of Chicago based friends to let them know what was happening. Worried but had no data to either calm myself or confirm my worries. Got a couple of hours of sleep, then drove to the airport.

Side note ot airports everywhere: If you are open for business (airplanes taking off and landing), your coffee and food vendors should be open for business as well. I do not function well on 2 hours sleep with no coffee. People near me are at risk of getting their heads chopped off with a single blow from the edge of my hand. This is the real national security issue facing our air transport system today.

Back to me having a bad day. Normally, I do not tend to sleep well on airplanes or in cars. I just have fundamental trust issues when someone else is in control of the vehicle. If you have this problem, may I suggest avoiding all but a couple of hours sleep and skipping caffeine intake for the day? I was unconcious for most of the flight.

Got to Chi-town, picked up the rental car, drove at best speed out to the family office where my mom was waiting (difficult in morning rush hour traffic). More disturbing news. Dad had received on the order of 4-5 units of blood over night. He was still unconcious. One of his doctor's phoned my mom and told her to rescind her request for extraordinary measures. Apparently, Dad had been diagnosed with cirrhosis of liver and the doctor said 5 years was a great run. No doctor had seen fit to mention this to my mom over the last 5 years. It is amazing how a portion of your brain can sit and be extremely angry, but also totally compartmentalized so you can function normally.

So we make the journey to the hospital and I get to see my Dad for the first time in several months. It's bad. It's about the worst thing I have ever seen. Dad looked already dead. He was plugged into about 3 iv pumps for different drugs as well as saline solution, all aimed at keeping his blood pressure up high enough to maintain life. He had a tube coming out of his throat that was sucking blood out of his stomach and dumping it into a small bucket (I am sure there is a fancy medical term for this, but let's just call it a bucket of blood). It was full. They had him on a respirator to help him breathe. It was set for about 14 breaths per minute and it registered about 28, so some part of Dad was still alive and trying to breath on his own, but it was very labored. His skin was like ice and his limbs were stiff from the effects of the blood pressure medication. Heart rate was low (below 60). Blood pressure kept dropping and they tried to up the dosage on the drugs, but they were near the maximum dosage. I never saw a single one of his doctors, or any doctor for that matter. I guess those fuckers were playing golf or something and did not have time to visit one of their oldest patients as he lay dying. Doctors suck. They are dead to me.

We stayed with him for a few hours. Do you know that nurses seem to be incapable of saying that someone is dying? They used some really stupid euphemisms. His soul is trying to go to heaven. Huh? Are we in a hospital or a church? Is heaven on the 8th floor near radiology? What the hell is wrong with these people? This crap is not comforting. All we needed was a straight answer (yes, he is dying, no there is no hope, I am sorry). That way we could get our heads around the problem, accept it and try to deal with the emotional fallout. Eventually, we left for a while. It was obvious he was dying, so we made arrangements with a funeral home and a church. Started calling relatives to get them ready, etc. We remembered to eat, which was good. Then we went back to the hospital for the death watch.

I have stood watches on a warship at sea. I have sat in a hospital awaiting the birth of a child (and watched and helped out as much as a man can in such circumstances). I have waited on the results of job interviews and school exams. Nothing compares to waiting for someone you love to die while knowing there is nothing left to do but watch. Dad never regained conciousness. Part of me is still convinced that his brain and mind were gone sometime the previous night. We asked the nurses to stop giving him the blood pressure medication. His blood pressure dropped so low that the automated sensor had trouble measuring it. His heart rate was getting so slow that the machine kept calling out a code that the nurses had to cancel. His breath rate dropped to the setting on the respirator. It seemed that was all that was keeping the body going. We asked the nurses to remove the respirator. They told us we had to speak to the chaplain. Apparently they do double duty as lawyers. It turned out we needed some sort of living will or durable power of attorney, which we did not have. Now, if any of those fucking doctor's had shown up, they could have written orders to remove the respirator, but it was now night time, so no doubt they were out having a few drinks somewhere instead of helping one of their patients. We were stunned. Dad was only hanging on because of the respirator. How much longer would we have to watch? All of the sudden, while we were arguing the insanity of the situation with the hospital chaplain, the nurse pointed to the screen and said he was gone. We all looked. Flatline. Just like on tv and in the movies. A straight line for the pulse sensor with an annoying extended beep. I almost expected to hear someone yell out "Charge paddles to 20, clear!". The nurse turned off the monitor and we left the room while the pulled out tubes and electrodes and everything else. After he was cleaned up, we went in and said goodbye. Then we filled out paperwork and went home.

The rest of the week went by in a blur. We waked him on 16 DEC 2006 and held his funeral on the 17th. I was a pall bearer, even though some told me that I was supposed to stand with my Mom. Somehow, I couldn't let others carry my Dad in my place. Since it was winter, we just delivered his coffin to the graveyard chapel. Too bloody cold to dig a grave. At least without heavy equipment. I stayed a few days to help out and then flew back to Texas.

I should mention that my pregnant wife came up with our 1 year old son to help me through the week after Dad died. Amazing what women will do for you.

I should also say that my best friend, known in this realm as Equalitist, stood by me through the death watch and through the week that followed. All of my friends came to the wake and funeral. Thank you all for your support.

I miss fighting with my Dad on the phone....

Thar she blows....

2005-12-29T23:23:00.000-05:00

This is a story of how when life really sucks, it blows.

On or about 10 DEC 2005, my wife used our downstairs bathroom. When she hit the flush lever, the toilet bowl filled with water and failed to flush, followed quickly by a stream of water shooting out of the base of the toilet. I shut off the water supply and once the toilet bowl drained out onto the bathroom floor, the water stopped leaking. I mopped everything up, called the landlord to complain and closed the bathroom door. I would have put up the yellow crime scene tape, but I didn't have any on hand.

But wait there's more...

As you may have noticed, we just moved into this house and are still getting settled. There were no prior tenants, so we are discovering all of the new house problems. So, Monday, 12 DEC 2005 rolls around and we are busy hooking up the washer and dryer. Beyond a quick leak test on the washer, I did not do a test run. Monday night, I was upstairs messing with the computer setup, while my wife is running our first load of laundary. My wife screams something about water on the floor. I head back downstairs and find the carpet is soaked on the first floor and water is apparently coming out from under the bathroom door. I open the door and find brown water and raw sewage covering our bathroom floor, with evidence in the toiled bowl indicating it blew chunks all over the floor. An ironic twist. Laundary service is shut down and I start laying down cardboard to cover the wet carpet, since we have cats and a baby likely to crawl through the area.

It takes a few days, but final analysis is that the outside sewer line had become partially blocked. The upstairs shower and toilets probably had enough head pressure to push past the blockage, but the first floor toilet and washer did not, leading to our little weekend shit explosion.

Now I am sure you are thinking, how could things get worse for our intrepid heros? Wait for the next post. It may be a little while, because the wounds are still a little raw.

I hate Allied Van Lines

2005-12-07T02:37:00.000-05:00

This is the most frustrating household move I have ever made.

I arranged to have Allied Van Lines move my household goods to Texas. No problems.
The transportation costs were around $6400 but we move an entire house and the estimate was $6200. No problems.
Our goods were picked up on 19 November and did not make it to Fort Worth until 28 November (still within the 6-11 day window). No problems.
The driver did not call and tell us he had arrived. Instead, the goods went straight to storage at Allied's local warehouse. Problems begin.
The local warehouse did not call and tell us our furniture had been delivered. Additional charges are now accumulating unbeknownst to us. Problems are increasing in scope.
The still happy couple finish negotiating a lease on Wednesday, 30 November, taking their time, since they did not know their goods were in town. The couple calls the driver, who admits that he dropped the goods off at Allied on Monday. The couple calls Allied and are informed that no crews or trucks will be available until 06 December and that storage fees will be charged (no amount stated) for the entire time. Awareness of problems begins.
The not so happy couple contact the Hartford office on Friday to see what can be done about these storage charges, since they were ready to receive delivery. Hartford says too bad, so sad, you should have called us first. Couple is frustrated, but is only expecting to pay a few hundred dollars extra.
The soon to be extremely unhappy couple begin receiving phone calls on 05 November, reminding them of the 06 November delivery and informing them that $2400 in additional charges and fees must be paid or the goods would not be delivered. Many bad words were thought and stated out loud. Many many many bad words. The Hartford office was called but they were not responding to voicemail. Wife had a meltdown. Being concerned for the continued health of pregnant wife, husband folds and pays outrageous fees to Allied but vows to get lawyer. Hartford office now calling and apologizing but explain that the $2500 was actually discounted from $4000 in additional unestimated fees. Husband now vows to destroy Allied Van Lines by any and all legal means available.

WANTED: Hungry, ambitious member of the Texas state bar seeking to make a name and pile of money from a big company.

Driving Across America

2005-11-25T00:29:00.000-05:00

Day 1:
Drove from Windsor, CT to Hagersburg, MD
Highlights
-released cats from cages, no collisions or rollovers resulted
-cats don't like cars but they seem to tolerate it
-babies do not like car seats
-babies set the travel schedule, daddies do not
-the Clarion Hotel in Hagersburg sucks
-the Clarion seemed to be hosting some sort of large contingent of Muslims (less than 100 miles from DC)

Day 2:
Drove from Hagersburg, MD to Knoxville, TN
Highlights
-saw some really large satellite dishes in Northern, VA but could not tell which government agency owned the site
-Virginia countryside is nice-lots of mountains and such

Day 3:
Drove from Knoxville, TN to Little Rock, AR
Highlights
-ate lunch in Nashville, TN
-ate dinner in Memphis, TN, did not meet Elvis
-slept in Little Rock, AR (resisted urge to leave stained blue dress at Clinton Library)

Day 4:
Drove from Little Rock, AR to Fort Worth, TX
Highlights
-not much to see on the road between Little Rock and Dallas
-got french fries in Hope, AR, the birthplace of Bill Clinton
-saw Dallas, TX from the road, but did not stop

Moving Day

2005-11-18T22:57:00.000-05:00

The adventure begins....

Well, everything has been removed from our house and loaded onto a big semi tractor trailer. That was quite an adventure. The only stuff left is garbage, which I really do not have the time or energy to deal with. Hopefully, we can get the realtor to get a cleaning crew.

I am still not convinced we will be able to make this transit without a trailer, but the wife vetoed my idea. We will see.

One of the cats started crapping blood today. After a trip to the Vet ER and $171, I now have the pleasure of attemtping to medicate a cat for the next 8 days, almost half of it on the road. One interesting piece of information, 1/4 of a dramamine tablet 3 times a day makes a good cat tranquilizer (I got this from the vet, not from random experiments). Of course, getting the pill into the cat may take all of your energy for the day.

The baby seems to be taking things okay.

I must go pass out now....

Still not dead....

2005-11-13T17:12:00.000-05:00

But I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

In case you didn't hear, the family is about to relocate to Fort Worth. Why? I once saw a book titled Hell's Half Acre about Fort Worth's red light district. It seemed like a good idea at the time....

So what has been happening since I visited Texas? Well you asked... (okay, I asked for you).

We have had some remodeling done on the house.
We have managed to put the house on the market.
We have picked a moving company.
We have purchased a ridiculously large and expensive vehicle for our road trip (2005 Chevy Tahoe).
The countdown clock has started and we hit the road in just 5 days.

Ever see the end of the Road Warrior? Our final dash for Texas ought to look the same....

I didn't die and go to heaven....

2005-10-11T22:20:00.000-04:00

I went to Texas instead. I am driving around in the most granpa of automobiles, a big, white Cadillac Sedan. For some reason, some words from Dennis Leary's Asshole Song (from No Cure for Cancer) keep running through my head.

"I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth right on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of whisky and drive to Texas."

Flying Saucer Beer Count: 3

Off to earn some more beer points (or maybe off to drink some more beer pints).

From the mouths of lawyers

2005-09-19T14:43:00.000-04:00

I found this quote on CNN:

"To endorse Google's library initiative is to say "it's OK to break into my house because you're going to clean my kitchen," said Sally Morris, chief executive of the U.K.-based Association of Learned and Professional Society Publishers. "Just because you do something that's not harmful or (is) beneficial doesn't make it legal.""

So remember, the next time you are doing some harmless, beneficial thing, you may be braking the law.

Small wonder that lawyers seem to have inspired Shakespeare to write:

"Cade. Be brave, then; for your captain is brave, and vows reformation. There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny; the three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops; and I will make it felony to drink small beer. All the realm shall be in common, and in Cheapside shall my palfrey go to grass. And, when I am king, -- as king I will be,--

All. God save your majesty!

Cade. I thank you, good people; -- there shall be no money; all shall eat and drink on my score; and I will apparel them all in one livery, that they may agree like brothers, and worship me their lord.

Butch. The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Cade. Nay, that I mean to do. Is not this a lamentable thing, that of the skin of an innocent lamb should be made parchment? that parchment, being scribbled o'er, should undo a man? Some say the bee stings; but I say, 'tis the bee's wax, for I did but seal once to a thing, and I was never my own man since."

For an interesting discussion of what the Bard really meant, check out Harvard's Law Blog.

For some lawyer jokes, check out Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons

Bigfoot, P.I., John Roberts, and Wolverine

2005-09-18T21:53:00.000-04:00

For some reason, everyone seems to be blogging about John Roberts. I don't know why, as most of the lawyers I know are not that interesting (exceptions being lawyers with engineering undergraduate degrees). I did not want to be left behind in the blog race, but I have nothing to say about him. Fortunately, my friend Metron has once again come to the rescue. As you may recall, he surfs the web so I don't have to. In any case, here is a link to someone else's blog about John Roberts and one of the most important supreme court issues of the day, Logan vs. Wayne.

Logan vs. Wayne Decision

Wow. That is unbelieveable. How can he not take a stance on such a critical manner? He sounded almost as if he was waffling-something only Democrats and Belgians should engage in. I can understand teh difficulty in making a choice (adamantium vs wonderful toys, attitude vs healing power). But they are obviously evenly matched in funky pointy head gear type costumes and they are both a little off-kilter. So you have to make a choice. Any attempt to weigh their respective advantages will lead one down into the slippery slope of universal acceptance, affirmative action and democracy. One has to go from the gut here, and while I really hate to back anything made in Canada, make mine Logan!

By the way, when I saw the title of the blog, for some reason my mind read it as Detective Yeti, and I kept picturing a large, hirsute being in a fedora and trenchcoat (with the mandatory Colt .45 M1911A1 in a shoulder rig). Some sort of sureal opening line keeps running through my head ("This is the Himalayas. It's 5am and someone is about to do something bad on Everest. My name is Yeti....).

Curious religious thoughts

2005-09-10T01:33:00.000-04:00

Alright, calm down, I have not found religion. Except for ones based on supreme beings made from food. Speaking of which, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster now has an online rival. It is called Spaghetti and Pulsar Activating Meatballs (SPAM) and apparently it's followers are gearing up for a holy war. I am fascinated that two individuals who invented parody religions are now about to go to war over their religions (if only virtually-hopefully only virtually).

For some reason this whole situation causes my mind to wonder a bit about all this intelligent design nonsense that has been circulating lately. Think about this general set of concepts:

1. Most backers of "intelligent design" are members of what might be called the American religious right.
2. Most members of the American religious right place heavy emphasis on the mores of the Old Testament, while saying the name Jesus to differentiate themselves from Jews and Muslims.
3. The "intelligent design" myth basically echoes the ideas of Genesis (a book essentially copied from the Jewish Torah), combined with some goofball bishop's calculation that the earth is only ~5000 years old (said calculation performed before the discovery/identification of fossils, carbon dating, theory of evolution/big bang).
4. Jesus (or more likely Joshua or Yeshua) was a Jew, as were all of his disciples and most of his original followers.

Based on this, I keep coming to one conclusion: CHRISTIANITY IS JEWISH CONSPIRACY.

How is that for mind blowing?

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spammity spam over the spam

Foamy the Squirrel Commentary on Hurricane Media Response

2005-09-02T09:21:00.000-04:00

The link in the title says it all when it comes to news anchors, reporters, disasters, and looters. Not safe for work (so play it loud!!!!). Courtesy of my friend Metron who surfs the web so I don't have to.

Red Cross-dontate if you can

Busted!

2005-09-01T22:11:00.000-04:00

I ditched my family and went drinking with some crazy people last Saturday. Never go drinking with test engineers. All those years of breathing jet fuel fumes makes you crazy.

Stupid Pig Personality Test

2005-09-01T21:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I took this stupid pig personality test at the suggestion of a coworker. I didn't want to spend a lot of time, since I was at work and could not figure out how I would justify this to my boss if he caught me. So I worked fast and drew a quick profile. Apparently, the amount of pig you draw is supposed to indicate something. Had I known this, I would definitely have drawn a long tail. Anyway, here it is:

[I wonder if I could now legimately claim to have butchered a hog? Check off another critical skill...]

What I can do out of the things a human should be able to do

2005-08-31T22:33:00.000-04:00

Since I have a rather pompous quote directing people to know various things, I thought I should status my own accomplishments to date.

change a diaper-done (and will keep changing everyone that I cannot legitimately dodge)
plan an invasion-not done (hmmm-who should get invaded next? Which country has the best beer and the friendliest wenches?)
butcher a hog-not done (not really planning on trying it out either)
conn a ship-done-USS Fitzgerald in 2002-we did not run aground or collide with other ships, so I guess it was a success
design a building-not done (although there is something of a dream house forming in my subconscious)
write a sonnet-not done (wrote some pure doggerel in high school, but nothing of sonnet quality)
balance accounts-done (in more than one way)
build a wall-not done (knocked some holes in a few walls)
set a bone-not done (although I did break a bone)
comfort the dying-not done (not looking forward to this one)
take orders-done (too many damn times)
give orders-done (no one asked whether they were followed....)
cooperate-done
act alone-done (get your minds out of the gutter)
solve equations-done (all the way through partial differential equations)
analyze a new problem-done (well it was new to me anyway)
pitch manure-done
program a computer-done (Apple II, Commodore 64, some FORTRAN, C/C++, various scripting languages)
cook a tasty meal-debatable (I liked it, but others have disputed that reheating frozen food is not cooking)
fight efficiently-partial (I have learned how to fight efficiently, but have not had to use it)
die gallantly-not done (plan on delaying this one till the very end-ha ha)

Rescue Line for Victims

2005-08-31T22:10:00.000-04:00

-----Original Message-----
From: Eric Lamoureux, Governor's Office of Emergency Services
Sent: Wednesday, August 31, 2005 12:29 PM
Subject: Rescue Line for Victims

State OES has learned that trapped victims on the Gulf Coast are calling family, friends, loved-ones, or anyone they can get a call out to in California asking for someone to rescue them. These requests need to go immediately to the US Coast Guard's Rescue Line at 800-323-7233 and immediate assistance will be sent. Please distribute this information as widely as possible. Thank you.
-----Original Message-----
The USCG web site also has the following numbers listed.
225-925-7708
225-925-7709
225-925-3511
225-925-7412

2005.08.31-First ever blog posting

2005-08-31T04:54:00.000-04:00

I have resisted as long as I could, but I have finally been assimilated. Spacer now has a blog. This is the first posting. It is my third wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary to my wife. Tempus fugit. Now what kind of leather goods would be appropriate for the mother of my first child? Something in black, to be sure. But what form? Luggage? Clothing? Naughty clothing? Studded or fringed? Decisions, decisions....

Personal news of the day: My son stood up in his crib under his own power. As a result, the crib was lowered so he can't take a header out of it until he figures out how to climb.

Funniest thing I saw today: Watched some idiot in New Orleans driving his car at high speed into a road full of water. He said he couldn't see the water. Saw this on CNN (you probably did too, as they seem to be replaying the same small amount of video over and over).

Serious thoughts:
-Never live below sea level.
-Always have a disaster kit (weapons, tools, food, water, booze, and cash)
-Never hesitate to abandon property in the face of imminent disaster (or in the words of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Run Away!. )
-Buy a boat (unless you live on top of a mountain)